Mistakes Single Women Make

Mistakes Single Women Should AvoidCredit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/fedo-al/4969378450

I’m a woman so I can totally relate with the mistakes single women make in relationships. It might be the same with guys but I just want to stick with writing the blunders single women commit in relationships.

Mistake No 1: Dating Guys Because of their Good Looks

This is the first mistake because most women fall into it. We all have dreams of marrying a good-looking and attractive man and when we meet one, we fall head over heels, just because of the looks but I tell you, looks alone won’t cut it when it comes to making a marriage work. You need a guy with a solid background and good character. What I’m saying in essence is; what is inside the person (character) should be given priority over what is outside (the looks). Interestingly, the looks captivate us to move close to men in order to study if they can be lifetime partners. While it’s no problem to be attracted by the looks of a man, you have a major problem if you still allow the looks and not his character to rule your decision to marry him or not.

Now, let’s say you marry a guy just because of his looks; what then happens if an accident tampers with the looks? Read this article for more on the qualities you should look out for in a man.

Mistake No 2: Dating Guys Because of their Money

Money, the Bible says, answereth all things but looking at that alone to determine who to marry can cause problems in future (because the man that has money now may run out of it in future). I agree that financial security can contribute to marital success but a situation where it determines who to marry calls for concern.

If you ask me, I’d say single women should marry financially secure men they love and struggling men who have a future and a plan to break through financially.

Mistake No 3: Dating Guys Because of their Fame

When you date and marry a guy because of his fame, what happens if he loses the fame? Like I said above, marry a guy who has a future plan, even if he’s currently struggling. But, there’s no problem with marrying a famous guy if you truly love him but marrying a guy just because of the fame will lead to problems in future.

Mistake No 4: Trying to Hold a Man Down By Offering Him Sex

Using sex as a negotiating tool is a huge mistake on the part of single women; yet, many women commit this blunder. Why on earth should you try to hold a man down with sex? If a guy wants out of a relationship, please let him be. There are a thousand and one guys out there who would respect and accept you as you are. Never tie your life around a guy to the extent that you feel you have no future should he quit the relationship. I might be old-fashioned but I honestly think sex between unmarried people should be discouraged (to avoid regrets in a situation where the relationship doesn’t lead to marriage).

Mistake No 5: Keeping Secrets from Their Partner

If a relationship between a man and a woman has progressed beyond the initial niceties and marriage is seriously on the radar, I think single women should open up on all their secrets to avoid a situation where the guy would discover after marriage and opt out of the relationship. Past events, such as a having a child in your teenage years, rape incidents, involvement in prostitution, etc, would come back to haunt your marriage if you do not reveal them to your intending partner. I’ve personally seen marriages collapse as a result of this and I’m urging you to avoid committing the same error. Reveal your ugly past to your partner, if he truly loves you, he’d accept you the way you’re. As I type this, I can hear you ask: “what if I reveal my past to him and he opts out of the marriage plans?” Leave him, you were not meant to be, otherwise, he’d appreciate the fact that you opened up to him in the first place. You’ll soon meet a guy who’d love you no matter what; yes, unconditional love still exists.

Mistake No 6: Adjusting Your Life to Make a Relationship Work

This is a terrible mistake on the part of single women. They pretend to be who they’re not just to make a relationship work. From experience, I’d say don’t go this route. It would lead to misery and unhappiness. It’s only happy people who can build happy relationships and homes; if you adjust your life to make a relationship work, you’d be unhappy and unable to build a happy relationship. I give you a solid example for my life. From day one, I realised my husband-to-be was the outgoing type while I preferred to stay indoors but I didn’t adjust this part of me to suit him while we were dating. So, he had the choice of dropping our marriage plans or accepting me the way I was. Thank God he did and we’ve been together for 13 years.

Mistake No 7: Weaving Your Entire Life Around a Man

The fact that you’re getting married to a guy does not mean you should weave your entire life around him. Marriage still involves two individuals so you should create a life for yourself. Be independent in some ways; don’t depend on your partner for everything. For starters, have a way of making money to pay some of your bills, even if your partner would support. I believe this would make a man respect you the more. Be secure in yourself; love yourself so you can have love to share. Don’t expect a man to do much for you; afterall, he’s human and prone to human error. Take responsibility for your life and how it turns out.

Mistake No 8: Becoming Unexplainably Desperate

Never ever allow people to tell you your life’s incomplete without a man. I’ve seen many single people live fulfilling lives without men. When you become desperate, I tell you any man would do. And that is not what you want to happen. Be happy as you are –a single and free woman- because some marriages are fraught with challenges you don’t even want to hear about. Maybe this quote would set you free:

“It is better to be alone, than in bad company” - George Washington

Mistake No 9: Giving a Guy Unfettered Access to Your Money

So much thought goes into the money-making process and I hate it when financially-successful women give a guy 100% access to their money just because they’ve fallen head over heels. There’s a huge difference between a marriage and a courtship. During courtship, you’re intending to get married and any thing can happen; the marriage may not even hold, so, allowing a guy unfettered access to your money before marriage is foolhardy and can lead to being taken advantage of.

If you’re in a non-marital situation and your partner runs into bad times, there is nothing wrong with helping him but he needs to earn his own money.

Mistake No 10: Not caring enough about how you look

To attract the right kind of man, you should be careful about your looks. No man would want to marry a woman who looks like a prostitute on a first meeting. Even if you have a penchant for wearing clothes that bare it all, wearing it to a date with a guy would make him disinterested in a relationship. Always try to appear well-groomed with a personal style that suits you. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have much money; you can still achieve a good fashion sense and attract the right kind of man.

Mistake No 11: Going out with too many guys

As much as you want to attract a partner into your life, please know that you’re not shopping for clothes, so, limit the number of guys you’re dating. Dating too many guys can leave you confused and unable to make a choice out of the lot.

Mistake No 12: Being too picky and judgemental

If you’re too picky and judgemental, you will miss some good quality men as you will avoid getting close to them. But, if you allow common sense to prevail and you move closer to such guys, you’d realise they have some good qualities that can make a marriage work.

Mistake No 13: Going out with friends

No guy would approach a group of ladies to ask one of them out; if you want to attract a guy, try going out alone. If you always go out with friends, no guy would approach you.

Mistake No 14: Needing to share every interest

A potential marriage mate may not share the same interests as you; there’s no problem with that. And I did explain more in an article I wrote on building happy relationships. As a single, if you’re waiting for a guy who would share the same interests as you, you may wait for Godot!

Mistake No 15: Missing the blessings and joys of being single

In my article on choosing the right marriage partner, I talked about being happy with your single status to be able to attract the right kind of partner. Enjoy your singleness; it has so many benefits. Don’t put your life on hold because you’re not yet married. Go out and have fun because you will not have that kind of freedom, once you get married.

Summary And Action TakeAway

Now that you know the errors single women make in relationships, please endeavour to stay away from them so you can also have and build enduring relationships. For further reading, I suggest you get this book by Michelle McKinney Hammond, bestselling author of Sassy, Single, & Satisfied (over 185,000 copies sold). It will tell you more about the mistakes single women make and how to avoid them!

How to Avoid the 10 Mistakes Single Women Make
Amazon Price: $12.99 $3.99 Buy Now
(price as of Oct 8, 2013)