How To Move On Post-divorce
Finding yourself single again after a divorce can be devastating at any time of life, but especially for older people who feel they may have to face the rest of their life alone. Although things may seem bleak in the immediate period post-divorce, you may find the future a lot brighter than you think.
Divorce always happens for a reason, so any subsequent relationship is likely to be more fulfilling than your failed marriage. Even if it was your partner who became unsatisfied with the relationship in the first place, he or she probably displayed signs of their unhappiness. This probably had detrimental effects on the way you got along, making both of you miserable, especially toward the end. Think positively. There are lots of things you can do to move your life along to a better stage when you are starting again after a divorce.
The main thing is to rebuild your confidence and your independence. It may be tempting to jump into a new and unsuitable relationship because you feel lonely after having previously been used to sharing your life. However, after the pain of a divorce, people are not usually in the right state of mind to make good decisions about new partners.
Pursuing individual interests and hobbies can lead to a welcome process of self-rediscovery. The new knowledge or skills learned through these pastimes can make you a more interesting (and therefore attractive) person. You will perhaps have more to share in common with a new partner when you do eventually meet one. New social links made this way can also lead to meetings with potential new dates. Becoming friends first through shared hobbies and interests is a great basis for your next long term relationship.
After taking the plunge and joining pottery classes, or attending Spanish lessons, for example, your confidence should begin to grow. You will also have less time to dwell on your recent divorce. Many people find they have stopped pursuing their own interests during a marriage and enjoy this time spent regaining past, or finding new, enthusiasms.
Lots of people also let their previous friendships slide when they are married. Mixing with couples that you and your spouse have socialized with may be difficult post-divorce if they have taken sides. It can make a break-up even harder when people find themselves without this useful support network.
It can take time to meet new friends through activity and interest groups. Don’t despair. Look up some of your old friends – use local phone directories and online social networking websites to reestablish contact. Apologize for not having been in touch and see if they are interested in meeting up again for social encounters. Often they will be only too pleased to hear from you and you have nothing to lose if they aren’t. If you have kept in touch with friends from before your marriage, make the most of them.
You may not feel very sociable because you are feeling down and perhaps embarrassed about the divorce. Force yourself to accept as many invitations as possible. After a while you will start to enjoy them and your life will be more fulfilling. Again, social networking is another good way to meet potential new partners of the future. Some friends may actively match-make for you if you want them to.
Family members can also be very supportive during this difficult time. Not everyone enjoys going out with family members, or sometimes other family members can’t join them on outings because they haven’t got the time or money, for instance. This doesn’t stop you from spending time with them. Visit them during the day for a cup of coffee, or invite them around to your home for lunch or dinner. Most people get along with at least some of their family. Post-divorce is a good time for you to establish a strong connection. Again, if you feel you’ve neglected them a little while you’ve been married, apologize and promise to do better in future. You might be pleasantly surprised at their reaction.
When you are ready to start dating again, no matter what your age or circumstances, there are now lots of ways you can meet new dates. If you don’t have any luck through friends or social activities, consider using personal ads, online dating websites or introduction agencies. It may take some time, but you will probably have some fun while dating and eventually many find a new long term partner, or spouse, using these methods.
Think of the future as holding new possibilities rather than mourning your failed marriage. Your next relationship might turn out to be the best one yet. Starting again after a divorce may be the best thing that ever happened to you!