When To Have Fun With Telemarketers ...

... And When To Be Polite!

In my eyes there are two different types of telemarketers. Firstly there are the genuine people who are trying as hard as possible to earn some money, they are polite and at the end of the day it would be unfair to make their lives any more difficult. The second type of telemarketers are the ones who won't take no for an answer, they refuse to remove you from their database and they are downright rude as well!

These companies will stop at nothing to get you to listen to them and the people on the other end of the phone are often very uncaring as to who they have called. The problem is that if you decided to get angry with them, if you slam the phone down on them or if you argue with them, they have the ability to put you on a call back which can result in multiple calls in the same day. There are many ways of dealing with these calls but why should they get you upset? Have a bit of fun!


Basic Ways To Have Fun With Telemarketers!

  • Sound really interested and then ask them to hold the line for a while. Put the phone down and walk away. It is always interesting to see how long they will hold on for and remember that each minute will cost their company even more money. If you are feeling really mean you can go back the phone and carry on listening to them for a while but then ask to be excused again. Keep apologising for the interruptions and see how long you can keep the call going for. Good excuses are “My cellphone is ringing” “I have to let the dog out” “There is someone at the door” or my favorite “My son needs the toilet”
  • Tell them you aren’t allowed to make any decisions without your husband/wife/son/daughter’s help. Tell them you’ll just get them but then hang up.
  • Tell them that they have the wrong number as they have called a public phone booth.
  • If you have young children give the phone to them and let them chat away with the “nice man” for a while.
  • Make the dog bark really loudly and then say “I’m sorry but the dog wants to talk to you. Can you just say hi to him?”
  • Pretend you can’t hear them and just keep saying “Pardon? Sorry I can’t hear you” followed by “Is that you Mom?” or “You need to speak up a bit because I can‘t hear very well.”
  • Interrupt the caller and tell them that you cannot carry on with the call until they give you the password. When they ask “What password?” tell them that you will hang up because you are not permitted to speak to anyone if they don’t know this weeks password.
  • Tell them that you aren’t in a position to buy anything because you are moving next week. This works best if you tell them that you are moving to the place you already live in! They will be too confused to argue with you.
  • Ask them as many questions about the company as you can think of. Find out the address, the name of the person in charge, the fax number and how much the pay their cold callers! Their reaction will be quite amusing.
  • Tell them you don’t speak English! Of course you need to be speaking English for it to be effective!

Advanced Ways To Have Fun With Telemarketers

Not for the faint hearted ...

  • Agree to hear their script but then interrupt them with random phrases whilst they are talking. Good examples are: “There is a spider climbing up the wall”, “A lot of people live in China”, “My shoes have jelly in them” or my favourite “I need to use the toilet“ The last suggestion works better if you soon follow it with “Ohh that’s much better”. Use your imagination and try your best not to laugh.
  • Tell them they have got through to the presidential suite at the pentagon and will soon receive a visit from the CIA.
  • Try to get the caller into a real conversation! Ask them their name and if they tell you mention that you are having a baby and if they think it’s a good name. Find out where they are calling from and if they tell you mention that your cousin lives there and they are called Jane Brown. Tell them your cousin lives in the last house on Main Street with the blue door and the roses outside. Find out if they know the mythical cousin! When they say they don’t know Jane Brown tell them that you will call your cousin tonight because they might know the caller. The caller will be confused but hopeful that they can manipulate the conversation back on track. Don’t let them! Keep up the conversation for as long as you possibly can. This method is always good linked to the earlier suggestion of faking some kind of interruption and putting them on hold.
  • Sound as if you are heavy breathing and tell them they have a really sexy voice. Ask them if they are single and what color hair they have. In most cases this works best if the caller is the same sex as you are and heterosexual!
  • This one take a little preplanning! Use a voice recorder to record your own script which can be played into the mouthpiece of the phone. Begin with “Hello you have reached our hotline. Please select from one of the following options” You can then use your imagination “Press 1 for Simon, Press 2 if you need to cancel a date with Janice, Press 3 if you enjoy Xfactor, Press 4 for the direct line to God.” Gradually make them more and more absurd and see how far you can get before the caller realises that they aren’t going to get a sale from you.
  • Sound as if you are really upset. Tell them that Simon Cowell doesn’t know what he’s talking about and you have a fantastic voice. Then begin to sing to them!



The Professional Telemarketing Prankster