Going through a divorce is a very difficult process. This is especially true when a relationship has dissolved to the point where the two spouses are continuously at each other's throats. Unfortunately, this kind of situation is very common after a marital breakup. Due to the highly volatile reactions that accompany the sad, hurt, depressed, angry, and even enraged, emotions that are often associated with divorce, it is easy to fall into situations where it is hard to keep your cool.
However, keeping your cool during a divorce is the best course of action. It is definitely not easy, but in the long run, it is best for everyone. This is most particularly true if there are children involved, if the day-to-day (or week-to-week) situations can remain relatively calm. While it's inevitable there will be some eruptive situations, it doesn't have to be constant.
Don't Lash Out / Avoid Unnecessary Confrontation
While not true in all cases, there is a good chance each spouse is going to feel pretty angry though much of the divorce process. It is natural for festering issues to explore during this period of time. These emotions are completely normal, but it is important to not allow yourself to be involved in a situation where there is lashing out and just screaming at a soon to be ex. Yes, there are hurtful feelings, but lashing out doesn't resolve anything and can be very counterproductive. If you lash out when angry, this kind of reaction is likely to hurt you more than your soon to be ex.Credit: http://www.morguefile.com/archive/display/59351
This is especially significant if children are involved and may be exposed to an outburst. It is critically important to be very careful of what's said or done in front of the kids. Be careful to watch your temper. The divorce will be stressful and difficult for them to understand, and putting them in the midst of a battlefield between their two parents is unfair to them.
Additionally, if the situation is volatile, it is best to avoid dealing with your ex unless absolutely necessary. There is little good in intentionally provoking a soon a former partner and picking a fight. If he or she picks one with you, it's often best to simply walk away and don't become a pawn to his or her battle picking.
See an Attorney Early On
It is important to consult with an attorney early on once the decision to divorce has been made. Hiring a professional during the divorce process is important to protect yourself, your children and your assets. In addition to getting protection, an attorney can be the person to make the contacts and take the proverbial "heat" when it comes to dealing with a soon to be ex-spouse. An attorney can effectively serve as a go-between, and this is a good way to diffuse an already explosive situation. It can also avoid potential new eruptions that are likely to arise during the divorce proceedings.Credit: Oregon Department of Transportation/Creative Commons http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Filling_out_a_form_%289787696074%29.jpg
Pick Battles Carefully
Some battles are worth fighting, other fights are not worth the energy. Rather than become engrossed in an argument over every little thing, it is often best to keep your cool during those spats that aren't as important to you. Fighting over non-essential items only makes things more difficult in the long run. Save your strength for those battles that really matter in the long-term. A good way to determine whether or not a battle is worth fighting is to ask yourself a few questions. Will the outcome of this spat matter next year? How about next month? Will it even matter tomorrow? Answering these questions sometimes puts things in perspective.
Even if the marriage is coming to an end, this doesn't mean counseling should be disregarded. Individual counseling can be very helpful in sorting out feelings and emotions. It can also provide learning strategies and coping mechanisms to help you through the divorce and prepare you for your new life. These newly acquired mechanisms can help you keep your cool.
Take Care of Yourself
During a divorce it is crucial to take care of yourself. Things will be stressful, however if you get enough sleep, eat well and drink water, this will help you. It may be pretty difficult, but it's important to get lots of rest during a divorce. The reason for this is to keep your own sanity. When you're exhausted it's difficult to think clearly and due to lack of sleep, it is easy to fall into a pattern of bad decision making or getting angry too quickly which can rapidly escalate an already bad situation.
The better nourished you are, the better you will feel; the better you feel, the more you'll be able to handle yourself in a difficult situation. Eating well and drinking lots of water can help give you the strength you need to get through the daily challenges as you go through the divorce and maintain your composure.
Have an Outlet
Having an outlet is a great way to relieve stress. The outlet can be exercise, a hobby, meditation1, or even a friend you can confide in and talk about the stresses in your life. If you have an outlet to release those emotions associated with the divorce, you're less likely to lose your cool at times you need to maintain it. Sometimes writing can also be therapeutic.Credit: Photos public domain.com/courtesy Wikimedia Commons
Strive for Forgiveness
Divorce is painful. Divorce is hard. However, despite the anger that is typically present with a divorce, try and keep in mind there was once love involved and you married this person for a reason. Forgiveness is not easy, but when it can be attained, life can be so much better. Some people may even end up being friends with their ex after enough time goes by. Letting go is important in order to forge ahead with a new life.
When going through a divorce it is often pretty difficult to keep your cool, and this is understandable, however, in the long run you're much better off maintaining composure wherever you can. By developing strategies that work for you, you'll find it much easier to cope with your divorce.
You'll also be able to more easily keep your cool in the process. In the long term, this is the better road to travel and help you better transition to life after divorce.