Over the years, I’ve heard some of the most ridiculous excuses people have used for missing work. It seems that rather than calling in and faking sick, people with drama issues have to take it to the extreme, to seek attention. The following are my favorites that I have personally heard used. I supposed some of them could have been legit, but I highly doubt it. In my opinion, what makes these the funniest is that I actually heard them being used. Some people are so prone to make up elaborate stories, it just makes me laugh.
My Favorite – Daylight Savings Excuse Used Wrong
It’s my favorite one of all time. I was late because I forgot to set my clock back. What? If you forget to set your clock back in the fall, you will be one hour early to work, not one hour late. This one continues to be my favorite and it seems someone uses it every year or two. I would be willing to bet no less than 10 people I have worked with have used this one.
What’s the moral of this story? If you need a good excuse for being late to work, so you can get an extra hour of sleep, do it in the spring, not the fall. To my amazement, some of my bosses haven’t caught this one when it was used. Have you ever heard this excuse for being late to work?
Man with Full Dentures Had a Tooth Pulled
I had a coworker use this one about 10 or 12 years ago now. He had full dentures and no teeth at all and he had no issues with taking them out in front of people to make them laugh and giggle. On one day though, apparently in his struggle to come up with a reason he had to miss work, he decided to tell our boss he had to have one of his teeth pulled.
I was lucky enough to be standing by my boss when she took the call. She laughed hard and asked how a guy with full dentures could have a tooth pulled. He admitted he was making it up. He was having an ‘emotional day’ and didn’t feel he could come to work. I supposed it would have been possible he needed an incoming wisdom tooth pulled, but he admitted it was a bogus excuse to get out of work. He was actually a smart guy and a lot of fun to work with, but his excuses for missing work left a little something to be desired.
My Grandmother Died – With a Funny Twist
About 8 years back now, I worked at a nasty retail chain (which I won’t name) while went back to school. The boss was a jerk and wouldn’t accept the employee’s word for anything. On at least one occasion, his untrusting attitude proved him right.
My coworker stated his grandmother had died and would need to attend the funeral and visitation. The boss always required you to bring in an obituary or some form of proof from the funeral. What was the twist? The employee brought in the obituary from the paper as ‘proof.’ Unfortunately, it was the boss’s aunt. He called his bluff and immediately justified being such a jerk to his employees in his mind. The employee, while I watched, tried to wiggle his way around a bit, but ultimately admitted to the lie.
The Raccoon Won’t Let Me Leave
Just a few years back a really good coworker called and stated he had a raccoon that kept charging at him and hissing at him each time he tried to walk out the door. He stated he had been trying for an hour to leave, but the raccoon wouldn’t let him go.
In all honesty, out in rural Wisconsin, this one is highly possible. Raccoons have a high rate of rabies, since they are scavengers, so I actually assume this one to be true. It was still a pretty funny reason to miss work. Given his work history, which was very good, everyone just had a good laugh and his late day was excused by the manager.
Almost in an Accident
One of the most dramatic ones came about 20 years ago, when I worked in a fast food restaurant. The teenager, obviously with a flair for the dramatic, had to slam on her brakes, so an oncoming car didn’t hit her, when they failed to stop at the four way stop sign. Yes, she was stopped, pulled forward a few feet and realized the other car wasn’t slowing down when she hit her brakes. Emotionally devastated, she couldn’t possibly come into work and had to go home to recover.
I don’t know about you, but it seems I have a close call every month or so. She really played it up the next day, talking of how her life flashed before her eyes and how she was now afraid to get behind the wheel. In fact, her mother dropped her off that day.
I Have Court
Seems honest enough, right? Well, at first glance, you could easily assume someone wanted to fight a traffic ticket. In fact, that’s what he claimed he wanted to do. He was given a ticket and by George, he was going to fight it next Monday. Sounded great, but it was Memorial Day and there was no court. The boss, recognizing it was a legal holiday, called them on the bogus work excuse.
My Goldfish Died
I really heard this one used once. Now, I realize some people can get very attached to their pets, but come on. I don’t know if funeral leave covered this one for sure, but I have to assume it did not.
Why Not Fake Illness?
Now, I know some people feel it’s completely and totally morally unethical to call in sick if you are not, but wouldn’t it make more sense to claim ‘flu-like symptom’ than some of these other excuses for missing work?