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Survive the Eschaton

By Edited Nov 13, 2013 0 0

Since the beginning of time humanity has lived in expectation of its inexorable end. 2012? Doubt it. Sooner? Later? Not in your lifetime you say? The end is not in most's (can most possess?) lifetime (since most will meet their demise before the actual event and thusly not in their lifetime) but the end can be in yours if you want it to be. You don't want it to be? Too bad.

Things You Will Need

(1) Religious text or

(All) Religious texts or

(1) Advanced knowledge of the secret of the universe as kept under wraps by the Knights Templar, Ancient Egyptians, etc. which would have became common knowledge if the atomic age actually occurred.


Step 1

Devote yourself to a religious belief, follow all rules and laws conservatively to ensure that the deity that you worship should he/she be an angry deity will not kill you.

Or:

Study all religious texts, conspiracy theories, have faith in nothing but that nothing is true and that the world is a simulacra and that your mind is more powerful than anything else. If you do then at the end of the world you will wake up and discover it was all a dream and the audience at home (god) will leave you alone, annoyed by the copout. For those subscribing to the faith of no faith you need not continue through this tutorial.


Step 2

If you subscribe to a religious belief, however, brace yourself, the end of the world is some heavy stuff. Maybe you believe fire will fall from the sky or giant creatures will tear the world in pieces by their epic battle or the world will be made of glass at the same moment that you achieve immortality so that you can survive the horror of walking through, eating, breathing, and drinking glass. So, build a fallout shelter, buy some kevlar, avoid last minute deals from Mephistopheles and sacrifice.

Sacrifice! Sacrifice! Sacrifice! Yep, you heard it. Nothing appeases the angry gods of wars more than more blood. If you have children, hand them over first, they're weighing you down anyhow.

Now you're wondering how to avoid being a sacrifice yourself, well, if you've remained faithful throughout the ordeal convince the other survivors that killing you would further displease their deities. If you have blasphemed in fear (the more likely option) make your life to seem so worthless that warlords would be dissatisfied to have you involved in a ritual and taste your filthy blood.


As stated at the outset, when the first man was born his first thought was 'the end of the world is coming soon' and people have been thinking this for thousands of years, so they must be right. Wait, but you say if people have been thinking this for thousands of years and it hasn't happened than it must not actually be coming. Think you got it figured out? Well, so did the Mayans, thought they had some years left, but look what happened. Check out the hangman's paradox.

Tips & Warnings

Too Late!


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