XXL Sporting Goods Wants You to Survive the Zombie-Apocalypse
Some enthusiastic and brilliant scientist will decide to bring to life one of his or hers favorite horror characters…zombies.
In this article I will give you some tips and tricks on how to survive a zombie outbreak (hopefully small outbreaks are all we'll have). My reference material will come from various zombie movies from the 1970's and up as I believe this is the material that crazy genetic scientists will use themselves.
Things to Keep In Mind When Trying To Survive a Zombie Outbreak
- Zombies are persistent, but they're not smart, and they're not invincible. Grab whatever you can and start swinging.
- The zombie's look, appearance, and movement will vary. They'll probably be a mix of the slow, lumbering zombie all the way up to the fast zombie, and every speed in between. In my opinion, the more muscle a zombie has and depending on how recently they were made or turned, the faster the movement. Zombies continue to decay and rot (thus get slower) from the first day of becoming a zombie. The temperature will also play a factor as zombies are not warm blooded. The colder it gets, especially below freezing, the slower they'll get. Eventually, if it gets cold enough, they won't be able to move at all.
- Friends and family who have been turned must be treated as hostile. How do you know they are zombies? The main way would be if they try to eat you! You may or may not be able to tell by appearance (God help any poor soul who dresses up as a zombie on Halloween the same time an outbreak happens).
- The virus will be passed on by fluid to fluid contact. You don't want to get bit or scratched by one of these things. You don't want to let any of their blood get into open wounds or eyes. One touchy subject I want to bring up is the matter of zombie sex. I'm sure someone out there will see a zombie who is an old crush and decide to put on a condom and try to have their way with her. I highly advise against this (we all know that condoms can break). This would definitely be a high risk, low reward situation. During an outbreak you must try to control your sex drive. As bad as this sounds, I hope the virus only affects humans. If it can be passed to animals such as birds, insects, meat eating predators, cattle, etc. we as a species are in a lot of trouble. Chances of long term survival would be almost impossible.
• There are safety in numbers so it would be in people's best interest to band together in small groups and hope that everyone realizes that humanity can no longer afford to argue or kill each other.
Zombie Defense (Preparedness and Supplies)
• Food and water will be needed for at least several days. Canned foods and dried foods are the most ideal because they will not spoil as easily and are more portable (especially dried food like beef jerky). Water is a little more complicated, but even more necessary than food. Try to find a water source, preferably a well or underground spring. Be careful about drinking from a spring unless you are at its source, there may be a dead zombie rotting in it a ways upstream. Public water supply that is fed by rivers, etc. could have contamination in them (the dead falling in, etc.). Catching rain would be another option.
• Zombies don't sleep, you do. It may not be easy, but at some point you'll have to close those eyes and dream. If others are with you, just make sure they stay awake to keep watch. Sleep in shifts. If you find yourself alone, you may have to realize that all you can do is all you can do. Maybe sleep somewhere high, where zombies can't reach you (but you need to have an escape route in case you wake up to find yourself surrounded). It also may be a good idea to lash yourself to an object to keep from falling while asleep.
• When trying to decide what other supplies you need, consider your needs. Do you need certain kinds of medicines? Do you have a spare set of eye glasses? What type of weapon can you use easily? You get the idea. Some other more common items that would come in handy are: radio, working vehicle (with full tank of gas), flashlight, light sticks, matches or lighter, first aid supplies, knife, hammer and nails and wood (to board up windows), etc.
• Stay put or leave? This is a personal choice and concerns whether to go out for supplies as well as escape from an infected area. In my opinion it is better to try and barricade yourself in a secure location, if possible. The more people the better, for the most part. You should also try to have an escape plan too. Make sure supplies are packed in vehicles and your ready to go at a moment's notice. If you are in a large city, you've got a reason to worry. Getting out during a panic may not be the easiest thing to do as the roads will probably be packed. It may be better to make sure your as safe as possible from looters and the dead, then try to leave or gather supplies a few days later.
Going on the Offensive (Killing and Weapons)
• Shooting or bludgeoning the head with an object several times will kill most things. It's best to go that route when in doubt. Be advised that gunshots may attract more zombies. If you can kill them without firearms, it's probably for the best. Some would suggest burning the body after you kill it, but as long as the zombie isn't a threat anymore, I would just leave it for others to do (clean up crews?).
• Choose clothing that is hard to bite through (denim, leather, etc.). The clothing also needs to allow movement. Wearing a suit of armor might keep zombies from biting you, but you couldn't navigate through a crowd too easily. Helmets and sports equipment would be useful, but I wouldn't give up too much of my field of vision.
• The living dead generally have limited reasoning skills with the ability to do only the most basic of things. They go directly for their prey when sited without any type of forethought and as a result can be herded and manipulated fairly easily. This strategy could be used to lure zombies away for gathering supplies or to lure them in so they could be killed. If trying the second option you better make sure you have a large open area, enough people to cover every direction, make sure all are good at using a rifle, and enough ammo to outlast whatever dead may come.
• Guns will be useful, but ammunition more so. Choose one or two guns and a lot of ammo over a lot of guns and little ammo. Hand held weapons are a matter of preference and you should have no problem finding them. Just make sure it's reasonably easy for you to use, and keep in mind that a thrusting weapon such as an ice pick into the eye will take out a zombie faster and with less effort than a baseball bat would.
• Fire is not a good weapon to use against the walking dead. Since the fire won't destroy the brain any time soon, you will have a walking torch that can burn you or any shelter you are at.
The above information should give you a good foundation on how to survive a zombie outbreak, but the most important thing you can bring to any survival situation is your will to live. You should also try watching movies like Dawn of the Dead, Return of the Living Dead and Zombieland. These are some of the best zombie movies out there and should give you an idea what to expect.
For all you naysayers out there, who believe this article is ludicrous, look back to the Jurassic Park movie. When it came out scientists scoffed at such a possibility. Now (2010) it is discussed by the scientific community as possible…eventually. There will be a day when the dead will walk. I'm going to leave you with a famous horror movie quote from one of the films referenced above. It would be wise to keep it in mind when the day comes.
"These creatures are nothing but pure, motorized instinct. We must not be lulled by the concept that these are our family members or our friends. They are not. They will not respond to such emotions."