Surviving the Long Distance Relationship (LDR)

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     Have you ever been in a long distance relationship or LDR? You spend a lot of time together in your imagination while you wait for phone calls, texts and emails. You want to be with them; you need to be with them but you are too far apart. They live in a different city, country or continent and it’s not that easy to just pick up and move for something as scary as an on-line relationship. It’s very hard to be apart when you want to be with someone you love; the loneliness is incredible and can cause your day to go south very quickly. So here are some tips to help you deal with a long distance relationship and keep your head on your shoulders.

  • Remain social: Keep up with your social life to fill your time; it will help you feel less lonely and depressed. Look for activities with your friends or co-workers that are fun and social; just be careful you don’t get too attracted to any of your new friends.
  • Make the rules: You and your partner need to discuss the rules to your long distance relationship so that you are both clear about what is expected. If you both not on the same page then the relationship is not going to last very long. So talk it out and see how you both feel; come up with some good ways to guard your relationship that you are both comfortable with.
  • Get a Voice over IP account: Get an account with a program that offers chatting with voice or video over the net; the most popular being Skype of course, but there are others that will allow you to see and hear each other as if you are in the same room. It is not as good as the real thing but sure beats a phone call.
  • Express your feelings: Go ahead and use whatever media there is available to express yourself to a partner. Record a video on YouTube or write a love letter and email it to them. Poke them on facebook or text them you thoughts through the day.
  • Keep the advantages in mind: Remember what the advantages are to having a long distance relationship in your life. Remind yourself that you like the independence, ability to concentrate on your career and not compromise that you get from a long distance relationship. Intimacy and love will still be in your life, just not on a full time basis; so in a way you are getting the best of both worlds. You have time for yourself and can see your friends whenever you want while still maintaining a relationship with someone. If you concentrate on your career or hobbies you will not neglecting your partner. In short, you avoid a lot of the dilemmas that a proximal couple face. You will also keep your individuality, something that often gets lost in the shuffle when you spend all your free time together.
  • Be committed:  Be committed to the relationship or it will not last very long. An LDR is the ultimate test of commitment for anyone and you will see very quickly if the other person is in it for the long haul. There are going to be temptations that you must face and if you can say no to them knowing that your partner will never know; then you can really say that you are committed to this long distance relationship!
  • Learn to trust: If you are in a LDR that you want to last then trust is going to be a major issue. Without trust there is not relationship, wither its long distance or not. So take a chance and trust them to do the right thing; just like you are. You may get together in the long run and you will know that they are into you for what you have inside; that you’re not just a booty call.
  • For granted: Don’t take them for granted; don’t take anyone in any situation for granted. If your LDR is going to last you will have to learn to appreciate your partner for all the little things that they bring to you. You probably know what it is like to have lost someone, so you know it’s worth it to hang on to the little things that endear you to each other. You will end up treasuring every second you have together and getting a lot more out of your relationship than proximal couples do. You may also find that LDR couples make up much more often than proximal couples do because they have the time to really think things through.
  • Set an ending: Even if it is some time in the far future, set a time for your long distance relationship to end and move to a proximal relationship; if you don’t then your relationship may fizzle out over time because you cannot see where it’s going.
  • Talk about your future together: This will strengthen the relationship because you can both see how much you are committed to each other and look forward to when you will be together permanently. It’s like the cement in your relationship, keeping the bricks together.
  • Look for the interesting: Look for interesting things you can do together other than talking; watching a movie at the same time while you are on Skype, or gaming together with Xbox or PS3! There are some great web sites about what to do in a long distance relationship; loving from a distance, for example has a list of 103 things you can do from a distance on the internet.
  • Visit: Make an effort to visit each other as often as you can and as your budget permits. This time together will be incredibly important to remind you as a couple why you are still together. Even a week or two every six months can really make a big difference to your relationship.
  • Pursue common interests: If you both would like to see a certain moving, then watch it separately and then call each other up to discuss it. Read the same books together and share them in the same way. Find out what your partner is interesting in and find out about it so you can talk about it later.
  • Remember the details: Remember the details about your partners’ life and it will show them how much you pay attention to them when you are talking.  Remembering little things can also show them how important they are to you and how much you want them in your life.

    So you see being out of sight does not automatically mean out of mind. There are many ways you can keep the love alive in a long distance relationship; so give it a chance and you may be surprised at how much you like the situation. Don’t forget to love each other and good luck!

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