If you have been unkind to someone you love, admit it and try to start your day over. This is the heart of the Alanon Tenth Step ... promptly admitting when we are wrong.
By the time you have reached the Tenth Step of Alanon, you are beginning to feel a sense of peacefulness. You have had the opportunity for self-examination and self-reflection. You have learned to trust the God of your understanding. You have made amends to people that you harmed. How can you retain this sense of peace and serenity? You do this through the Alanon Tenth Step, which suggests that you continue to take personal inventories and, when you find you are wrong, promptly admit it. How often should we take a personal inventory? During the nearly 30 years I have been in Alanon, I have learned that many people take a quick personal inventory on a regular basis and a more in-depth inventory every few years. Below are examples of some of the approaches made by different people.
Many members of Alanon continue to use their Blueprint for Progress as part of a Tenth Step inventory that they do every couple of years. It is a short book full of questions we should ask ourselves as a way to evaluate our personal growth. It asks us questions such as "Am I responsible?", "Am I Controlling?" , Am I Quick to Anger?" or "Am I Handling my Finances well?" As they re-read what they wrote the first time they did an inventory, they have the opportunity to see what progress they have made. If we see that we have been slipping up in our behavior, members will go back and repeat the Alanon Seventh Step, in which we ask God to remove our defects of character. Then, if they want to be thorough, a member of Alanon may occasionally repeat their Eighth and Ninth Steps in which they made a list of the people they had harmed and made amends to them. Doing an Alanon 10th Step regularly will help you maintain honest, loving relationships with the people in your life, because you will continually want to take responsibility for anything you have done to injure another person.
If you have never used a Blueprint for Progress, you can order you own copy from Amazon. Here's a direct link to Alanon books on Amazon, and you can also order a copy of this important Alanon book in the ad at the bottom of this article.
Some members of Alanon try to do a daily Alanon Tenth Step inventory during the time they say their morning or evening prayers. Many people spend a few minutes reflecting on the way that they have treated others during the day. If they realize that they mistreated someone, they try to make amends and repair the damage as quickly as possible. We have found that the quicker an issue is dealt with, the less harm it will do to ourselves or others.
Finally, sometimes you will realize that you have said or done something hurtful almost the minute you do it. You do not need to take a formal Alanon Tenth Step inventory to realize that you need to make amends. Immediately take action and get it off your conscious. These immediate Tenth Steps will come to you more easily the longer you are in Alanon. You will eventually discover that you look forward to the peace that comes from quickly repairing anything that damages your relationships.
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