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The Importance of Being Vulnerable in a Relationship

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Everyone wants to be connected with, however, not many know how to connect or what causes them not to connect with people. Vulnerability is the key to connecting in any relationship. But it appears that a lot of people are afraid of being vulnerable; people try to cover up instead of owning up to the nature of their true self because of fear of being rejected.  They’re afraid of being victims of negative emotions so they put on a “shield” called perfectionism. But it later appears that this shield of perfectionism only causes havoc because it makes them more conscious of their inadequacies and so they end up doing exactly what they loathed so much. Even with many unseemly awkward moments they’ve experienced they are still unsure if vulnerability is the way to go. Here, I choose to affirm that it is.

No One Is Perfect

Relationship Perfect

Dr. Brene Brown, a social worker who has researched vulnerability for 10 years says, “Perfectionism is a 200 lbs shield that people use to protect themselves against emotional hurt.”  Imagine carrying a shield of 200 lbs, it’s just not going to help. The fear of being outlandish or socially secluded is what causes people to refuse to own up to their imperfections.  They think most people, if not everyone, are perfect, and so in order to fit in they refuse to accept their insecurities and, in the long run, become oblivious to who they really are. The study of human behavior produced a concept called the Four Temperaments theory. From there we derive that all human beings are characterized by at one of these four temperaments:  Phlegmatic, Melancholy, Choleric and Sanguine. Now, all these four temperament, though different, all have something in common— weakness and strength. So if you want to put up with a mental fantasy that perfection exist, you’d only cause yourself much more harm. It’s time to accept the truth that no one is really perfect, no one is without emotional needs, no one is self sufficient. That's why we seek the attention of others more during hard times than any other thing.

You’ll Be Aware of your True Nature

Most people are not aware of this powerful influence that’s in their behavior—their temperamental disposition— their inherent character. They’re not aware that that is really who they were intended to be and it cannot be altered. Instead of accepting it as who they are, they conflict with it and often try to make something of themselves that they were never intended to be. Little wonder the several occurrences of awkward moments in their social relationship with people. It behooves us to know that vulnerability makes us powerful; it makes us at home with ourselves and real. Furthermore, when we fully grasp how we are structured to behave, we would be able to use it to its full potential in how we relate with people.

You Will Be Free from Self-consciousness and Self-inhibition

A certain reason why many people are socially awkward or shy is because they’re too self conscious. These kinds of people are aware of their every act, hoping they don’t get humiliated by what they do. In essence, they want to be accepted by people. But, what a way to seek acceptance! If they could only realize that selfishness and self-seeking would do them no good in their relationship than a poison would to the body; they’ll be more connected and comfortable with people.  Being inhibited and unwilling to let go of self is the toxic substance that people rely on to help perfect their relationship, yet no tangible result is ever gotten. If you decide to think less of yourself and more of others, you’ll literally feel the emotional relief behind your decision and the radical change in how you relate with people. This is because you freed yourself of the thought of embarrassment or failure, whether “I don’t want to fail” or “I want to fail” and you proved your self-acceptance by choosing to put no shield on yourself—the shield of perfection.



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