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Drowning in the Mainstream

By Edited Jul 30, 2015 0 0


Maybe the hipsters are right, we need to stop swimming in the mainstream. Here are a few things corroding our culture and common sense.  

Skinny Jeans

First, skinny jeans. Americans are fatter than ever! How is it even possible then that 'skinny' jeans are trendy! We idolize the thin and fit, but heaven forbid we stop eating for five minutes to go for a jog ourselves. No, its much easier to squeeze into skinny jeans and cut off the circulation to our already pre-diabetic feet. 

Diet Fads

Skinny jeans bring me to my next point, our INSANE diets. The Adkins diet, eat all the meat you want, but don't touch those carbs they will kill you. The vegan diets, now that you’re at the top of the food chain ignore everything that can run away from you. My favorite to date is this quote/unquote 'cave-man' diet. You can only eat things that were around 10,000 years ago. For clarification, cave men were in shape because they had to track a dinosaur for days then try to kill it with a rock. I'm taking a stab in the dark here but if a Neanderthal could have pulled up into a drive through, I'm guess he would have been all over that bandwagon. 


Does anybody else think we might be just a little to obsessed with sex? When did monsters become objects of desire? Call me old fashion, but I'm from the school of thought that being bitten by a vampire and transforming into an immortal evil being that a prey on human kind is actually a bad thing. 

Miscommunication communication 

Next time you get upset with a foreigner that cannot speak proper English, ask yourself when the last time you said what you meant. 'Cool,' 'Hot,' are adjectives describing temperature not social status or attractiveness. 'Bad ass,' apparently a very tough person, not a dysfunctional sphincter. 'Break a leg,' I guess that means good luck. 'I almost died today,' really, you're not even wearing a bandage. 'YOLO,' no kidding, you only live once. Alert the press! 'I don't give a rat's ass,' do you get requests for those? 

Some how text message language has seeped into everyday language. Now I cannot talk to anyone younger than 21 without a dictionary and Morse code handbook. This is why no one can spell or use proper grammar any more. We're too busy out YOLO-ing and LOL-ing to THINK. 

Miscellaneous Thoughts 

I'm pretty sure rap and country are the same genre, just in different settings.

People that label doors, "Exit Only," should stand on the other side, I bet they are wrong.

I'm pretty sure I am my dog's master, but I don't see him picking up my poop.

I want to hug people wearing Affliction t-shirts and whisper, 'I see you're hurting on the inside.'

When did Justin Bieber's voice change?

The Dodge Ram truck is an oxymoron, you cannot dodge and ram at the same time. 



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