Have you ever wonder why things go wrong in some of your relationships? Have you ever heard someone say, “I don’t know why we didn’t work out? He or she was a great guy but turned into a horrible person at the end of our relationship.” Most people may not like the things I’m about the list but they are common mistakes that are made with every relationship that are formed. There are so many different ways to form a relationship but I have narrowed down the most common mistakes I run into when giving relationship advice. Here are the top 5 mistakes people make in a relationship or forming the relationship.
Did you know what dating is? Most people would not get this answer right if it hit them right in the face. Most people skip this phase and go into relationship after talking on the phone with the person once or twice. They may go out on a date once or twice and the person seems cool so they spend things up to relationship status. Dating does not mean you are in a monogamous relationship. It means you are simply getting to know the person to see if a relationship if possible. This is how friendship develops. It is ok to date more than one person because there are billions of people in this world and it takes time to find the one person that you are meant to be with. It is easy for some and hard for others. Don’t get discouraged if you can’t find the person quickly or if you go through some rough relationships. Don’t make the mistake in picking the wrong first date. This is a common mistake. The goal is to get to know the person. Picking a movie, where you can’t talk, and going out to eat afterwards is the wrong first date to be on. When you leave the movie to eat, you will talk about the movie more than trying to get to know the person. Guys, here is a little secret about girls and dates. They are more impressed by someone who puts a little thought behind the first date. Don’t take them to a regular restaurant if you want to impress them. Put some thought behind the date to make them feel special. It’s not about the amount of money you spend on her; it’s about the time you invested into making the date one to remember. You don’t want her to have to tell the story of how your first date went and she has to tell her friends you took her to McDonalds.
4. Not Asking the Right Questions during the Dating Phase.
This is a common mistake. This also goes along with another reason relationships do not work, communication, which will be discussed in this article as well. You must always ask questions at the beginning of any relationship you are trying to build. This can be a working relationship or personal relationship. This article is for dating and relationship but the some of the information is the basic in any relationship. Ask a person what happen in their last relationship and see what the response is. Most people don’t pay attention to what the person says. If they talk about what the other person done to them but none of what they contributed to it, they are not ready because they don’t know how the last relationship ended. Most people ask the basic questions, “What’s your favorite color? What is your favorite food? What’s your favorite movie? What’s your birthday? What do you like to do for fun?” All these questions are ok but if you notice none of these questions are allowing you to get to know the person. Most of these types of questions leads you into talking about random things and finding out what you have in common as far as your likes are concerned making you forget you still don’t know the person. This causes people to say “we have a lot in common maybe this was meant to be.” Ask the person how do they feel about their exs? If they start to ramble about negative things and calls the person names. These are early signs that the person is still emotionally hurt and not ready to begin the next phase. They will bring past things into the new relationship. Most people who have truly moved on will say things didn’t work and we are moved on from that situation.
A lot people don’t communicate anymore. We live life going and coming not speaking to one another. This is a major issue and this is some of the reason relationship don’t work in the end. When you are in a relationship with someone, you should be able to share anything with your mate. People get this category wrong. Communicate does not mean you have to talk on the phone every day. There is text messaging that you can send to let the person know you are thinking about them. Usually communication starts to fall after the “new” wears off. When someone is secretive this makes the other person wonder (doubt) if you are telling the truth about certain situations. When someone starts to doubt a person this leads to trust issues. Most of the time people don’t realize they talk about self too much. Nobody wants to sit around someone who is always talking about what they are going through. Try asking how the other person is doing and if something is bothering them. Most of the time, selfless goes along way. When a problem comes up, speak on it. If you let the problem go you lose the right to complain about it in the other person’s mind. Both guys and girls do this all the time because they don’t want to argue or feel like arguments are a bad thing. Healthy arguments are good if you listen to what the person is really upset about. Most people don’t listen because they feel like the person is just upset for no reason. Don’t ignore small things because once it builds up and you start to resent a person it is hard to fix.
2. Trust and Honesty
This category will be very brief. If you don’t have trust you have nothing. This statement is so true. Once the trust is gone, there is no need to continue the relationship unless you have serious individuals that will work on their trust issues. If you have to doubt the person you are with then you need to reevaluate if you want to be in the relationship. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship with someone that you feel you have to watch your back. Love does not hurt, lie, cheat, steal or harm. You should not have to know the password to your mate’s phone. You should not have to know everywhere your mate is going every time they leave. You should not have to give your mate a questionnaire about every person they run into. If you have a feeling they are cheating on you then that is something you need to fix because you don’t trust your mate. If they make you feel less important than the next person out in the streets, you need to reevaluate if you want to be with that person. Most people are not upfront when in the dating phase. Don’t put on a face when meeting someone because eventually the real you will come out. The best thing to do is be you. If someone can take you at your worst they will be with you at your best.
The number one reason relationship do not last is because people settle for relationship instead of waiting until the right one comes along for them. Loneliness and not being happy within themselves is a big factor in settling. Some people feel they can’t be happy unless they are in a relationship with someone. This is the problem, how can you make someone else happy when you can’t make yourself happy. Some people go through life not knowing what truly makes them happy and they become complacent. Don’t get caught up in what other people think makes you happy or what someone else say you should do. I ask this question a lot when I start to give advice, “Why are you with your mate?” Do you know that I find out that most people are settling for the person they are with because they don’t believe that they deserve better or because they was told the person is good for them. If you find yourself telling people you are with your mate because they are a good person, they do nice things for you; they treat you right, etc… But you fail to mention how they make you feel. Then you are settling for your mate. No one should have to ask you how your mate makes you feel. That should be the first thing out of your mouth. To close this article, don’t settle you deserve better.