Feels Like Heaven - Hurts Like That Other Place

How many times have you fallen for someone who broke your heart? Have you ever invested a great deal of time and energy into a relationship only to have it fizzle out? Being in a relationship can often times feel like heaven but when your heart is broken it feels like that other place.

A new relationship is fun and exciting but it can also be blinding . . . a majority of couples in new relationships fail to see or acknowledge the warning signs that they are dating the wrong person. There are several signs, but you must pay attention and keep your eyes open. Don't make the same mistakes most new couples make by ignoring the signs. Go into a relationship with your eyes open and remember, it will hurt less to break-up with someone now than in a year or more from now.

The Top Warning Signs You're Falling for the Wrong Person

Couple in Trouble
Credit: morguefile.com by Dzz

Are you and your current partner soul mates or soon to be cellmates (just kidding, that's a bit extreme). What is not extreme are the following warning signs that you're falling for the wrong person.

Physical Abuse

If you are dating someone who has ever laid a hand on you, that should be the number 1 sign that he/she is the wrong person! Regardless of what they say, it will eventually get worse. When someone hits you, you’ve got to know that it is probably not the first time they have hit another person. No matter how attracted you are to a person, you should not stay with someone who hurts you physically. Also, you must remember that it may start out slow with the person grabbing your arm to tightly or pushing you. Eventually it will get worse when they believe that you will stay with them no matter what they do.  


When your better-half begins to tell you that you shouldn't see specific friends or go to certain places, the warning flag should be raised in your head.  It's great when the person you are dating calls but when they call you several times a day and want to know where you are almost every hour of the day, and then get upset when they can't reach you, you've got to reconsider the relationship unless you enjoy the feeling of being in prison. Being possessive is a sign of insecurity and an insecure person will always find something to complain and argue about, even when their partner is 100 percent faithful and doing everything right. You cannot fix a person who questions everything you do. They must work on their issues before they can have a good and healthy relationship.

Lies, Lies, Lies

Catching someone in a little white lie can be forgiven and overlooked but when you are in a relationship with someone who continually fibs, that is a big warning sign. Fabrications about what a person does for a living or how much they earn are often told to impress wood be mates, but it is never a good idea to start out a relationship with a lie. If you've caught your partner lying about where they are or who they are with, keep your eyes wide open. If you are telling the truth to your mate, why in the world are they lying to you?

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Constant Criticism

Dating someone who constantly puts you down, not only drains you emotionally but it also chips away at your self-esteem.  If you decide to stay with a person who finds it necessary to put you down, eventually you may begin to believe all the things they are telling you.  Some people stay with a criticizing partner because they have been "brainwashed" to believe no one else will ever love them. When you date someone who has nothing but negative things to say about you, from the tip of your toes to the top of your head, you must do some heavy soul searching and determine why you are dating that person. Perhaps they have already ingrained in you that you are worthless, if that’s the case, get some help and rebuild your self-esteem.

Couple sitting on a pier
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If your mate flirts with other people in front of you, just imagine what they will do behind your back! If a person doesn't think enough about you to show some respect for your relationship, they are not the right person for you. Flirting with others shows a lack of regard for you and most likely this person is just with you until someone "better" comes along.  If your partner is flirting with others when you're not around, you may not discover it until it's too late (and you are in love).

Problems with Alcohol or Drugs

If you meet someone who has a problem with alcohol or drugs, you should stay clear unless you want to play the role of a rehabilitation or AA counselor. For an alcoholic or drug addict, their fix will be number one and you will be number two. In addition, if the person is in denial, you are looking at possibly spending a lot of time with an individual who is either high or passed-out, or worse has to be hospitalized due to over consumption or an overdose.  That sounds like anything but a great relationship.

Not Happy

People are generally very happy and content at the beginning of a relationship, and while relationships all have their ups and downs, if you continually find that you are not happy, you should rethink whether or not this is the right person for you. There may be several reasons you are not happy, perhaps your mate is too demanding and it is draining on you or maybe they put you down or make you feel inferior. Whatever the reason may be, if you are unhappy more than you are happy, you need to reevaluate your relationship.

Takes You for Granted

If your "better-half" continually takes you for granted, that's a sign that he/she doesn't care. Do you really want to waist a year, two, or more on someone who selfishly does whatever they want and doesn't care about your feelings? There are plenty of people who want to find someone to love and share their lives with, so why would you spend one more day with someone who doesn't care enough to consider your feelings?

Couple arguing
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I Gotta be Me!

When you feel like you constantly have to act a certain way to please your mate and you cannot be yourself, it's not only a warning sign but extremely exhausting. You are not an actor on a stage, this is your life and you should be able to be yourself around the person you spend most of your time with. If you really don't think you can show your partner who you really are, you're probably not with the right person.


If you're dating someone and you don't foresee a future with them, stop wasting their time and yours! If you cannot imagine a future with the person you're dating, and it's clear they are looking for a commitment, have enough respect for them to tell them the truth. End the relationship so they can look for the person who does want a future with them.

Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons: How to Find Your Soul Mate
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