I'm one of those people who can't sleep unless he's cool. Not cold as my ex used to say but cool. You would have thought being at the tail end of the English 'Summer' that I'm in perfect sleeping conditions. You'd be wrong. For you see I am a recent university graduate and, although my final year saw a depressing amount of studying in comparison to partying, most of this studying dragged on long into the night (form an orderly queue for this bad boy ladies). As a result my internal body clock is a bit more clockwork orange, in that it's completely f***ed up.

My cat(61155)

I have tried numerous ways of beating insomnia. For a start, counting sheep doesn't work at all, it just makes me think of Wales, which, if you've ever been to England's slightly odd sidekick, is a depressing thought. I cant sleep when I'm sad either.


I've heard that it helps to think of nothing, that is to think 'blank blank blank, I am thinking of nothing, etc.' This is of course thinking of something but I haven't got time to argue the point. I have a wandering mind, which is great when doing boring things like listening to somebody particularly offensive, sitting in a boring class/lecture/party or driving.A lot of people swear by reading to help them sleep or at least tire their eyes out enough to force them to sleep. This just keeps my mind active though and completely contradicts the previous point about making your mind blank (unless you're reading Twilight).


Similarly some people use music or one of those apps on their phone that plays soothing sounds to rock you to sleep. Some of these 'soothing' sounds include things like thunder. One I tried even had a dog barking, which is as ridiculous as it sounds.

Of course the tried and tested method that rarely fails is getting absolutely wasted. Alcohol has a talent for knocking out the rational part of your brain and apparently this also affects the part of your brain that wants you conscious. Naturally this is not something to recommend as you then have to deal with the consequences on the following day: you slept like a log but now feel like death warmed up (unless you're one of those irritating bastards who never gets hangovers).

Another chemical cure for insomnia is sleeping pills like Nytol. I've never tried these and probably never will. I'm still uneasy about relying on a product to get me to do something naturally. That's why I fell out with my girlfriend, but I digress. If you'll remember, we were robbed of Heath Ledger's talent due to a deadly cocktail of sleeping pills. Jack Nicholson said the same brand almost made him drive off a cliff. I would avoid sleeping pills at all costs. What happens if you run out?

None of these are great ideas. I don't have the answers, that's for sure. I'm hoping that by writing this late at night, the gods in their wisdom will strike me with narcolepsy. You simply have to try what works for you. I don't think I'm ever going to get back to a regular sleeping pattern until I get a job, which, in today's market, seems unlikely in the near future.

If you want the under-qualified opinion of the unemployed, steer clear of anything that will make your mind active, make your room as dark and temperate as possible, close your eyes, and let your mind wander - it inevitably will.

There is a reason that you never remember the moment just before you go to sleep.It's not because you're body doesn't want you to know the secret.It's simply because you've managed to find that moment of utter stillness and peace, the nirvana an inch to the left of sleep where you are completely relaxed and utterly calm. If we all knew the secret of this then life we would be too easy, wouldn't it? I may be rambling and I may be unemployed and under-qualified but what I certainly am, is experienced. I am an ex-student and so sleep is something I know a lot about. They should give me a PhD. Sleep well.

The good old days