The Charm of The Big Mac

Long gone are the days where a man must hunt and forage for sustenance. We are fortunate to bypass this time and energy consuming ordeal, by simply buying our own nourishment that someone less fortunate than ourselves has produced. Though we are lucky enough to be rid of the hassle of hunting and gathering, many obstacles still stand between a man and a full stomach.

With the current economic climate in turmoil, families have opted to dine in affordable fast food establishments instead of the classic pub lunch or carvery. What is wrong with that you might ask? As it so happens, absolutely nothing. You are actually in luck! Fast food outlets cover our nation like melanoma. Fast food giants McDonalds have just under 35,000 restaurants in the UK alone operating in over 100 countries across the globe (, to indulge in a delicious fast food treat we need not travel far.

Unfortunately, while we are always happy to succumb to the charm of the Big Mac, we are also quick to judge the workforce that power the fast food machine. 35,000 restaurants need a considerable workforce. I hope you would agree that working any job with unemployment rates so high is a good thing. Right?

McWarrior Ranking System

Let me take you through the McWarrior ranking system. First you have the crew members. These lucky souls are the grunts on the front line, risking life and limb to provide excellent customer service and a quality food product for your satisfaction. Is that large with a coke? Would you like to try our new mozzarella dippers? Who needs to think when these guys know what you want before you have ordered it? Believe me, these young soldiers feel just as awkward asking you, as you feel irritated they have asked you in the first place. Next time you give the poor sods a scalding because you have waited 5 minutes on your burger, just take a second to remember how long you would wait for food in a pub or a fancy-pants restaurant.  

Next in rank is Staff  trainer. Still not quite in a shirt, these guys (should) know how to operate all the heavy machinery in the McWarrior platoon. You can count on these chaps to actually know what they are doing. We now have our first line of officers, non-commissioned officer (NCO) Area manager. However, with great power comes great responsibility. Area managers wear a shirt and tie, and are expected to work infinitely harder than the trainers, all for the same hourly rate. Sounds fair doesn’t it? 

At last we come to our first lot of commissioned officers, the 1st lieutenant shift manager. These employees earn a slightly better rate of pay in exchange for a maelstrom of responsibilities. Shift managers run the show day to day, liable for everything and anything. As a crew member, the pleasure of your shift can depend entirely who is “in” and “what shift they are on.” If a shift manager is a puppet, the puppet masters are the salaried managers. Colonel store manager and his captain assistants. 

The truth about the job...

So you want to know if it’s a good job working for such a company. The answer is yes and no. All jobs have their ups and downs, but some more than others. Let us examine benefits and setbacks of working in fast food.              


  • As a young person, usually 16-20 years old, you will work with a lot of people your own age. At this point I should mention, this will undoubtedly be the main reason you attend work the vast majority of the time: The company.
  • The discounts you receive are incredible. From 30% off at 02, to discount on countless high street shops and driving lessons, not to mention discounted McDonalds! There is an undeniable incentive to work as a McWarrior.
  • A job is a job, and at the end of the day people will do just about anything for money…
  • Miss out on a grade or two at school? McDonalds have one of the largest apprenticeship schemes in the country.
  • You will learn to interact with other (grumpy) human beings in person, rather than through a headset on COD or Halo or Facebook. You unsocial pimple. Communication is a rather necessary skill to have to succeed in life.
  • You have a real chance to work your way up the ladder (See McWarrior ranking system)
  • Going to college or starting University? No problem. You can work all you like in the holidays and return to your lovely post as a McWarrior when you return. Can’t stand the thought of being away? You can also transfer to another store (35,000 remember?) and earn while you study.

 Here comes the honest truth…

  • You will miss out on things. Welcome to the real world my friend, weekends and evening must be worked.
  • While the break system is exceptional, the shifts are not. With many stores now open around the clock, someone must be there to cook and sell 40 chicken nuggets to the drunkards. ( That will be you doing the 20 cheeseburger challenge at some point I guarantee.)
  • You will have to deal with the general public. Believe me, when these guys have to wait a few minutes for a burger, or have to park their car in a drive thru, you might as well have urinated on their children. They’re going to be mad.
  • You will get the occasional colleague who is a d-bag. Every work place has them. And if you don’t it probably means you’re the douche. 

If you do opt to work as a McWarrior, congratulations. Here are a few tips to help you get by…

  • Don’t be late. Obvious I know, but when you are waiting to go home and the person taking your place is late, you may start thinking about chopping their legs off. This is bad.
  • When asked if you know how to Ajax you say “no” or “I can but not very well,” no one will believe you. Ever.
  • The customer is NOT always right. Nevertheless, you must allow them to think so. Think of it as your good deed for the day.
  • Work relationships or intra-store shenanigans will only ever end in tears. You have been warned.
  • If you are hired as a customer care assistant, you sole purpose in life will be to run holds out to cars. Not customer interaction. Running holds. Remember this.
  • Don’t eat on shift. You may be tempted by that succulent chicken nugget, or that Cadbury flake in the fridge. Resist. They have more cameras than Big Brother.

And that is it! A job is a job and in this line of work no shift will ever be the same. There is plenty to be gained from working in fast food. If you are loyal customer reading this, I hope you have gained insight into the delights of being a McWarrior! Please feel free to share any of your own wisdom in the comments area. Remember, keep it clean. This article was intended to shed light on working as a McWarrior. Thank you for reading.