Getting what you want and deserve by looking for the signs
Red flags when dating are different from deal breakers. Red flags may seem small and mundane - sort of like a little quirk that gnaws at your gut or intuition. A deal breaker is pretty clear. When you have a defined relationship goal or vision, a deal breaker essentially is incompatible with that vision. A deal breaker could be that he lives in New York and you live in Texas and you are not going to move and he is not going to move. Or it could be as simple as "he's a smoker." A red flag is different in that, it seems like such an innocent flaw but it can surface into a big problem and it is easy to go unnoticed.
Here's some dating red flags you should look out for:
- Moving too fast - This is a huge red flag for anyone new or just getting back into the dating scene. However, impatience is real and when you are in a place where the euphoria associated with meeting someone new is intoxicating that you WANT to move too fast. Don't go there. If the other person wants to move too fast in communication, meeting you, meeting your children or family without really getting to know you then this is a red flag. Sometimes people will move fast out of insecurity or fear that you will find out their real personality. Do not give out personal information too soon and be vague with people until you really get to know them - where they live, work etc.
- Asking for money - At no time should anyone be asking you for money. Also, if someone is selling you a story about how they are "down on their luck" then take that as a good sign that they are either trying to scam you out of your own money OR are too immature or irresponsible to manage their own. Sometimes people are in fact down on their luck and probably need to sort out their problems. Think about this for a minute that probably dating and adding another person to their problems is probably not a good place for them at this juncture in their life. Think about your own life before you get stuck trying to manage theirs.
- Disappears and Reappears - this points to an inconsistency. When a person just falls off the face of the planet and then reappears after a few weeks without justification, this is a big red flag and disrespectful to your feelings. It points to someone who has something to hide. People that engage in the disappearing act are not dating or relationship material. Consider this a red flag.
- Bad Mouths their Ex - While it's frustration is normal with your ex, it's not ok to bad mouth the ex or blame the ex for their lives. In fact, if the person you're dating bad mouths anyone that is a big red flag or at least some insight into their personality. Let's agree to disagree even in the areas of politics or religion. If you date someone who disagrees with their ex or the President, then that's understandable but if they call their ex or the President "The Anti-Christ" I would walk away from this person.
- You can't stand their friends - We are who our friends are. A person's friends are a key indicator of the kind of person they are. If you don't like their friends, this is a red flag because being in a relationship with this person will be wrought with a tug of war over this topic.
- They Have No Life - they are constantly on you like glue. They have no hobbies, no interests and more importantly to Steady Income (job). Two people are lone people first and have their own lives. Someone with nothing going on, will be too preoccupied with your life. This is a red flag.
While this is not an exhaustive list, this is a pretty good indicator of some simple red flags to watch out for.