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How to stay in love and communicate more effectively with your partner

By Edited Nov 13, 2013 0 0

I'm in Love

I've been in love with the woman of my dreams for coming up to a year now.  She is smart, funny, caring, and down right gorgeous.  She's a confident, successful woman and I’m lucky to be with her.

When we first got together sparks flew and we couldn't get enough of each other.   Texting and backberry messenging  was our main form of communication (we both travelled a lot for work).  Caring and loving words were displayed regularly on our blackberry phones.

"I love you" was transmitted through the ether on many occasions, and elicited responses of warm emotion.  Words that stimulated new areas of the brain, that for me, hadn't been stimulated for a very long time.  Certain words have a powerful effect on your state of mind.  
So over time why don't those same words have the same euphoric response?

Is it because I was reading the words?  Would I have responded differently if I had heard the words spoken?


The three methods of learning

We learn and take in information in different ways.  The three main methods are:

  • visual
  • auditory
  • kinesthetic.  

As an example think how business people or university lecturers for that matter present information to their audience.  More often than not they project graphics or a powerpoint presentation on a screen (visual), they talk about the topic (auditory), and they may pass around an object or model for the audience to examine (kinesthetic).

Some people are visually dominant in their way of learning and absorbing information.  Others auditory.  With some being kinesthetic learners.

When I learnt a martial art, I found I picked up the technique of a pattern quicker by having the instructor move my hands and feet into the proper position (kinesthetic) rather than seeing him perform the movement or explaining it to the class.


Love is no different.

We take in information from our partner in a similar manner.  Visual messages of love (texts) may stimulate your brain (and emotions) more than your partner saying "I love you" face to face.

When we first fall in love with someone we are caught up in a heady state of eurphoria where quite literally anything goes.  A box of chocolates elicits a response of deep emotion for the person even when you don’t normally eat chocolates, but because they were from your new lover you accept them with pleasure.

Over time, however, we default back to our dominant systems because our brains seek information and we basically become lazy.

Let's say you're a visual person and your partner is an auditory person.  A text message of love throughout the day may not have as much of an impact on an auditory person as would saying "I love you"  face to face.

Not understanding your partner’s method of taking in information my result in arguments and even worse, a break up.  Your partner is trying to communicate his or her love for you on a different level to yours.  The method that he or she is using may not elicit the same or greater response as your dominant system of learning.

The key is to communicate your feelings to your partner on all levels.  For example, taking him or her out to a restaurant (visual), talking about your emotions and how you feel (auditory), and holding and cuddling your partner.  Leave one of these systems out and you risk ruining a romantic evening.

Sometimes guys can be quite bad at all forms of communication, so despite a man's repeated attempts to buy his way out of trouble with gifts, all he may have needed to do was to take his beautiful lady in his arms and whisper a sweet "I love you".




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