This Mother of Daughters Wants You to Teach Your Son How to be a Good Man
As the mother of three children, two girls and a boy, I have tried my best to instill good values and manners into them. But when my teenage daughter started dating her boyfriend, I started to see things in an entirely new perspective when it comes to raising my son.
While many people think of fathers as the parent boyfriends have to watch out for, in our home, I am the one boys need to be aware of. I always told my daughter that if a boy hurt her in any way, shape or form, he would have to answer to me, and I would not be kind.
In fact, when my daughter and her boyfriend took off to the prom in the limousine, I warned him that if he did anything to hurt her, I would come after him.
My daughter was not pleased when he repeated my words to her, but honestly, she should not have been surprised.
Overall, he is a nice kid, but I figure there will be more boys in her future before she meets the man she will marry. It is my hope that the parents of these boys teach their sons a few lessons on how to be a good man.
Teach Your Son to Do Things for Himself
A friend of mine, who is a highly successful business executive, recently told me the story of how her eighteen year old son had breakfast and then left the table, expecting her to put his dishes in the dishwasher for him. She was really upset and wondered what she had done wrong.
At a young age, both boys and girls need to do things for themselves. As a preschool educator, the children in the school where I teach are expected to do chores around the classroom, like hold doors, clean up toys, and put their plates and cups in the trash when snack time is over. This should not stop at home simply because it is easier to do it yourself than to nag your child to do it.
Another friend of mine has a son who will not put his dirty clothes in the hamper that is right inside his room! Her solution was to stop washing his clothes until he had a fit about having nothing to wear. It taught him a lesson that she is not his personal cleaning service.
I do not want my daughters picking up after your sons. They should know to do their share of the chores and to clean up after themselves. I am not raising my girls to be your sons’ maids.
How Moms Can Help Raise Good Men
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Create Hunger in Your Sons
It's not food that I am talking about here
Many of the most successful people that I know in my real world personal life came from humble beginnings. Their parents worked jobs that either required no college education or the jobs the did have were in low paying fields like social work and education. My friends and their spouses worked all through high school and college because extra money from their parents was not available.
My friends strived to do better. Loans were taken out for college. They earned degrees in high paying fields and over the years, either opened their own businesses or worked their way up into high level positions.
They were “hungry” with an “eye of the tiger” for achieving more.
Now my successful friends give everything to their children. They do not work, and when they need money to take a girlfriend out on a date, it is handed to them. Going out for the night with friends, buying designer clothing, going to concerts at $80 or more a ticket, all of this is simply given to their sons.
These boys are not hungry. They have not learned to fend for themselves and are expecting handouts. Is this the kind of person I want my daughter to spend the rest of her life with?
One winter day last year, my daughter came home from school and told me the story of a boy in her homeroom class. He was bragging how he had made $300 shoveling snow the previous day, when school was cancelled due to the weather. Unlike the pampered princes who live in my neighborhood, who have Daddy use the snow blower to clean up the driveway and sidewalks, this young man had to shovel it himself. He saw an opportunity and seized it!
I told my daughter that is the kind of boy I want her to marry. How I wished that the boys in my neighborhood would be that motivated! I do not like to shovel snow and would gladly pay someone to do it for me.
I am not saying that if you can afford things for your sons not to give it to them, but make them work for some of the things they want to have. If you can afford to buy them a car, make them come up with half the money or at least pay for the gas they put into the tank. Unless you plan on supporting them one day, how else will they learn the satisfaction of earning a day’s pay for a day’s work?
What Are You Costing Your Child By Giving Him Everything?
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Teach Your Son How to Treat a Woman
I will always remember how my father helped my mother on with her coat, how he pulled out a chair for her and held a door open for her to walk through. These were the signs of a true gentleman.
Does your son have any idea what chivalry is? Have you taught him to open the car door for his lady first, to hold the door open for her, or to offer to drop her off in front of the restaurant when it is pouring rain or at least offer her an umbrella?
Maybe these ideas seem a bit outdated to some of you, but in my eyes are the signs of a man with class.
And by the way, a man never raises his hand to a woman or belittles her and makes her feel less than. If I even get an inkling that a boy is behaving that way towards my daughters, he had better watch out.
If your son treats with my daughters with respect and kindness, if he can earn a living without needing financial support from Mommy and Daddy, and he can use a hammer as well as he can run a vacuum, then he can date my daughters. If not, don’t come knocking on my front door.`