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Things Not to Say to a Gay Man

By Edited Nov 28, 2015 3 2

Male Union
Credit: Image courtesy of [Simon Howden] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

   Gay men have wonderful lives with wonderful friends and lovers. They work, eat, sleep and do laundry too. Didn’t see that one coming did you? Well it turns out that gay men are just people like you and I. However they do get asked questions again and again by the curious and well intended. So without further adieu, I give you, Things not to say to a gay man.

    How do you know when someone is gay?

       We don’t, only they do. 'Gaydar' is a myth you cannot tell someone is gay or not simply by looking at them. You might think you can, but that effeminate guy in the office might just have 12 kids and the manly cop who watches the neighbourhood has, you guessed it, a boyfriend.

 When did you know or decide that you were gay?

      When did you know you were straight? Asking them when they decided implies a choice, and being gay (or transgender)is not . Trust me there is no choice involved.

 Who is the girl and who is the guy?

      Well there are two men in the relationship, so they are both the guy. Try to see things outside your hetero-normative box! There are many ways to make a relationship, you might learn this.

 So ummm..are you attracted to me?

      Just because you have a penis does not mean they want it. You're not attracted to every one of the opposite sex are you? Neither are they. Being gay does not make you a slut or a pervert.

 Will you help me do my hair? Makeup?

      Just because a person is gay does not mean he works at a hair salon any more than a gay woman has to be operating a chain saw. That’s just plain ignorant.


I know so and so that gay...do you know them?

      I know so and so who is straight, do you know them? Your working on the assumption that there are only about ten gay men on the entire planet and they all know each other. Hate to break it too you but there are at least MILLIONS of gay men and they all don’t have each other on twitter.

 Does it hurt?

      Don’t ask this, just try it yourself...and for pity’s sake, of course love hurts!

 Aren’t you worried about aids?

      Yes, everyone who is sexually active should be worried about aids and practice safe sex not only to protect themselves, but their partner as well. Heterosexual transmission is the fastest growing method of transmission on the planet.

 How do you know your gay if you have never had sex with a girl?

      How do you know your straight if you have never made love to someone who is the same gender type as you? Or even the opposite sex for that matter? You don’t need to have sex with someone to know that your attracted to them. You just 'know', that’s all. It's an unconscious choice, for no one would in their right mind would choose to pursue a lifestyle ripe with hostility and discrimination. Shunned by friends and family alike. It doesn’t seem likely.

      First and foremost, gay men are human beings and they deserve respect. So be nice, be friendly and you might make a good friend. They wish to be spoken too and accepted just like anyone else. They have job and families and friends, hopes and dreams. They are human beings, just like you.

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Jan 19, 2013 3:56pm
I felt that I had to read your article, as I know quite a few gay people and I think that I have asked some of those dumb questions that you mention, but we are still friends. One friend gave me a book called 'Gaysia; by Benjamin Law for my birthday, which shocked me at the time, but I found it very interesting to read,
Jun 28, 2013 4:48am
Another one. When you tell them you're gay they mention their girlfriend and how much they love her. Just so you know they have one. It's a variant of "So ummm..are you attracted to me?".
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