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Three Scary Films That Ruined Me For Country Living

By Edited May 23, 2015 1 0

I grew up in the country: among beautiful trees, farm animals, and lots and lots of land. Most of my neighbors were outside of shouting distance. And there's the problem after seeing these three scary films. Outside of shouting distance. Yikes. 

These three scary movies have ruined me for country living. Sure, I'll likely move back to the country at some point in my life. But when I do, these three flicks will be top of mind when I assess things like closest neighbor, closest proximity to evil-looking farming tools, and the overall sanity of the kids around the area. 

These are all great Halloween movies or for anytime that you want a good fright. That is, if you're not afraid to scare the country right out of you. You may be packing your things shortly afterwards. 

The Crazies

The Crazies

The Crazies [Blu-ray]
Amazon Price: $24.99 $6.50 Buy Now
(price as of May 23, 2015)

This movie gives new meaning to the phrase "There goes the neighborhood". Seriously. The entire country community in Iowa becomes a giant rat hole for the craziest human beings on planet Earth. All because of a silly virus that's infected the town's water supply. 

Note to self: If I ever move back to the country, look for homes with their own wells. 

But what scares me the most is that pitchfork. Oh yes. Who doesn't respond with absolute "ohmygodgetmeoutofhere" fear when a beyond scary pitchfork comes into play. Let's just say the scene in the movie where the pitchfork stars will creep you out from farm tools for quite a while. 

Needless to say, The Crazies is definitely one of the top three reasons why urban living is appealing to me. Um, but wait. A tainted water supply could happen in my cushy city living too. 

Note to self: Boil all water moving forward.

Funny Games

Funny Games

Funny Games [Blu-ray]
Amazon Price: $30.98 $15.42 Buy Now
(price as of May 23, 2015)

Funny Games serves as my happy reminder that pitchforks and good ol' country folk aren't the only ones that can go bat guano crazy. Here the young privileged class lose their social pact bearings in an often violent way. 

And unlike The Crazies, which pretty much features zombie-mode violence, Funny Games has a sense of mental torture around it that's just plain scary. It's scary in the sanity...or insanity...of the psychological warfare. 

Lesson learned from this scary film? Don't buy homes outside of shouting distance from your closest neighbor. And vet, vet, vet your neighbors. And once you've vetted them, vet them again. For the paranoid set (which you will be when you watch these three scary movies), this all comes second nature of course. 

The Strangers

The Strangers

The Strangers [Blu-ray]
Amazon Price: $14.98 $3.73 Buy Now
(price as of May 23, 2015)

The Strangers features the one-liner that scares the country out of me more than any one-liner in history:

Because you were home. 

I get shivers every time I think about that. Random victims. In a random country setting. It's the kind of scenario that makes me want to always have lots of neighbors right around me. I'll even take adjoining townhouses if that guarantees me a little safety from a scenario like this!

This might be for me the scariest movie I've ever seen. It's that simple. And it certainly makes me question ever finding a nice vacation home out in the middle of nowhere. 

Welcome new city dweller...

Seriously, after watching these three scary films you might begin packing your things. Cities start looking awfully good. Of course, I jest. I'm a country boy at heart and blue skies and green space will call me back someday. Just know I'm going back with lots of security measures in tow. 



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