Tips For Dealing With Different Sex Drives In a Relationship

Sex is a huge issue in relationships, especially when there is a difference in sex drives. It is very common for one person in a relationship to have a higher sex drive then the other person. Often times this can be an issue to fight about or it can even be one that no one talks about. When talking with people who cheat (both men and women) it often comes up that they just don't get enough sex or what they are looking for at home. With all this tension surrounding this issue it is hard to know how to proceed when the sex drives of two people who love each other just don't match.

Share Your Feelings.
While it is often hard to talk about your feelings (really talk about them and night fight about them) it is important to do in this matter. In fact, both people need to talk about their feelings. It is important for them to share how the situation makes them feel so that each of you can try to understand where the other person is coming from. It is often hard for men and women to honestly talk to each other, especially when this topic is what they are talking about. However, it is the first thing that needs to be done in order to get anywhere with it. If you don't talk about it then animosity, hurt feelings, and other emotions will build up. It also increases the likelihood that one or both people will turn to others to meet their needs, either emotionally or physically (or both).

Talk About How To Make It Better.
Work together to brain storm solutions for your particular issue. Try to come up with ways that will help both people. For the person who's sex drive isn't as high, what types of things could be done to help get them in the mood more often? For the person who's sex drive is higher, what can the other person do that isn't actually sex to make the situation better? For example, would playing together be enough to make them feel better? This is one of the times that compromise is very important. It is true that it is hard to give people sex when you don't want it, it can be helpful and a good compromise to make.

Talk About Your Fantasies.
Another thing that is often hard to talk about is your sexual fantasies. Usually these are things that we keep to our self and many of us are even embarrassed by our fantasies. Maybe we think that the other person will think they are perverted or such. However, talking about them can help improve your sex life. It doesn't mean you have to go act out on them (especially if you don't want to), but exploring your sexuality as a whole can help you want sex more often. It can also make it easier to connect with one another when you really truly understand the person you are with. Simply talk a little about your fantasies. It doesn't have to be in huge detail or cover ever step of every fantasy that you have ever had. It just has to be an opening in the door to your deeper relationship.

Compromise.
Earlier I mentioned compromise under the talking part, now is the time to really make those compromises. You need to figure out how to make it work for both of you. Often times the person who wants more sex feels rejected and the person who has a lower sex drive feels forced, coerced, or pressured into sex. Both of these feelings are bad. So carefully talk about it and make compromises on both sides. Realize that the situation isn't a personal one for either of you, but a matter of mix matched physical needs. You can make this work, but it will take compromise (and having your spouse or partner get a "friend with benefits" isn't a good solution!).

Exercise.
It sounds odd to include a section on exercise in an article dealing with sex, but the truth of the matter is that it can help. Exercise releases positive hormones into the system which can make you feel lots better. It lowers stress, relieves tension, and even has anti-depressant advantages. It should be noted that you being in better shape can also help improve your desire and improve the quality of your sexual experience. There is no reason not to exercise since it has so many benefits (really these things are just the tip of the ice burg). Exercising together or as a family can also be a great way to spend some time together as well.

Talk To Your Doctor.
If there continue to be different levels of sex drive between the two of you then it is a good idea that the person with a lower sex drive talk to their doctor. While having a different level of desire doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong, it could mean that there is. It could also mean that there is something that can help you along and make you feel more like having sex. This can be very good for your relationship and is worth discussing with your doctor.

Herbs.
There are many supplements out there that are designed to increase desire and to increase your sexual pleasure. These items are also worth looking into. It is a good idea to do a little research and make sure that the ones you try are safe, they can make a huge difference in your ability to enjoy sexual experiences. They are kind of pricey so your best bet is to try a few and if you find one that you like, get online and search for it in bulk sizes so that you can get a better price for them. It is also a good idea to write down any side effects that you experience and figure out how often you should or can take it. Most of these items are geared toward either men or women so make sure you are getting one that matches your gender as well.

Being in a relationship where the sex drives don't match up is very common, but none the less hard to handle (for both members of the couple). With some careful talking, planning, and being willing to compromise you can get past it. This could be a temporary problem, or it can be something that you struggle with for the entire duration of the relationship. Either way, remember that if you really love each other it is important to work through this problem. Sex always matters!