Like it or not most relationships will not make it to marriage. That means that at one point or another there is a very good chance that you will have to end a relationship. Unfortunately that is not the easiest thing to do. You are probably concerned not only about what will happen in your future but also about the other person’s feelings. That means that there will be things that you should say and things that you will need to avoid. The important thing to remember is that you want the process to be as painless and quick as possible. Here are a few tips for that time when you need to end a relationship.
Why End On A Good Note
Just because you are no longer happy in your relationship, it does not mean that a breakup has to become a spiteful occasion. It is better to end on a good note where you both remember the good things about each other and not something that will make them remember you for this one moment. It is always better to have an extra person who thinks the world of you, even when a relationship did not work out, than someone who would not put you out if you were on fire.
You Have Not Found Someone Else
It does not matter if you already have found someone who lights up your fire you should never tell the person that you have found a replacement. It is rude to say that you already have someone else and it makes you seem like a jerk. Were you already looking for someone while you were dating? What does that person have that your current partner does not? How long has it been going on? When you say that you have already found somebody else you are opening yourself to a series of questions that will only make the breakup more difficult.
This is a bad idea no matter what the situation. Whether you actually met another person or not you should not try it. If it is true that you are now dating another person then perhaps this is the time to tell a little white lie that will spare the feelings of the one you are breaking up with.
It’s Not You…
This is another line that you should get out of your mind. When you tell a person that it is not them, it usually means that it is them. The “It’s not you, it’s me” excuse is a cheap one that is likely to cause more bad than good. Instead try to be honest about your feelings and why you feel that the relationship is not working out. Keep in mind that you should not give more information than necessary so do not start pointing out why they are not the right person for you. If asked then tell her/him why you are not the right person for each other.
Also keep in mind that the person you are ending the relationship with was good enough to start a relationship. By being clear but brief about the reasons for ending a relationship you are providing closure which most of the time your former flame will want.
By now you probably already know that this is a big one. You should never break up via email, text or by leaving a message in a voice mail. It is a lot easier to do so, but if the person was good enough to be with you, then you owe them the courtesy of breaking up face-to-face. A breakup in person is more difficult, but at least it shows the person that you have enough respect for them.
Once you have decided to end a relationship there is no going back. Even if the person does seem like he/she needs a shoulder to cry on you cannot be that person anymore. You have your reasons for ending the relationship and a few tears on their part will not change those reasons. The ending of your relationship needs to be like the proverbial pulling of the band-aid. You must make sure to close the door behind you so that the person understands that this is actually the end of the relationship.
Avoid Public Places
The breakup is not something that everyone needs to see except for the two of you. Avoid breaking up in a public place where a person could make a scene. When you talk in private the person is more likely to keep the feelings going through their head at a manageable level. Breaking up in a restaurant or another public establishment is something that you must avoid at all costs.
One of the worse things that you can do is to wait to end the relationship. Every day that passes by your partner thinks that everything is ok when the truth is that you do not feel that way. By extending the time that you are with that person you are solidifying a relationship that you do not want to stay in. It is better to arm yourself with some courage and end the relationship when you feel the timing is right. To lead on a person when you do not want to spend more time with them anymore robs them of time that they can use to get over you and maybe even be happy with somebody else.
What If They Take It Bad
Even when you know a person you never know what reaction they will have to the news. If the person takes the news of the breakup badly try to console, but only to a certain point. When a person starts screaming or there is a chance that they will become violent it is time to get out. Not many people will get to those extremes, but if that is the case you need to make sure that you are ready for it. Be calm and assertive and make your way to the door for one last time.