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Tips For Over Coming Fights In Relationships

By Edited Nov 27, 2013 0 1

Relationships have both their good side and their bad side. While they have a lot of benefits and we often love the person we are with, living with people can be hard and often causes tension. This tension can lead to fights. While fights often happen, they aren't always easy to get over and to move on with life. You can do it though and find yourself working toward a better relationship as well.

Step Back.
Often in the heat of the moment it is hard to step back. However, it is important to do. As soon as you realize what your are doing and what is going on it is time to step back. This could mean counting to ten, going for a walk around the block, or just sitting down alone for a few minutes. Fights can become intense even when they aren't about anything important. It is easy to get heated up and throw yourself into the moment. However, this usually makes it easy to say things you don't really mean and easy for you to hurt the other person. Getting all heated up also makes it easy to keep fighting, often about everything and loosing the point of the whole fight in the first place. Stepping back will give you a chance to cool off and get a grip on yourself.

  • Tip: Let your partner know that you don't want to hurt them, that you are angry and irrational, and that you need an "adult time out" before you just walk away.

Think Through It.
If we honestly think about what the fight was about and the things that each person said we usually find out that the fight was dumb or not really about what we thought it was about. It is important to think about why you were fighting. Think about whether it really matters. Think about how you should proceed. And make sure that you also think about how to stay calm and face the issue rationally, without anger, and without fighting. Thinking about the situation will make it easier for you to consider all your options and for you to be rational about the situation. Just because you have had a fight (even a big one about a really important issue) doesn't mean that this is the end of your relationship or that it should be the end of your relationship.

Once you have calmed down, thought it through, and are ready to go back and talk about it you really need to do so. You should talk about how you feel and honestly listen to how the other person feels. It isn't enough to just vent your side of the situation. Make sure that you remain calm while you talk about it so that you don't start fighting again. If the other person starts getting heated recommend a short time out. It is important to talk about it until both parties feel better about it.

  • Tip: Saying sorry often makes it a lot easier to communicate. It lets pent up feelings of hurt feel a little better. Maybe you aren't sorry for your opinion of for the things that were done to cause the fight. However you should be sorry about the fight itself and about the things that were said that could be hurtful. Once you have come to your senses you should apologize even if you wish it were the other person doing it. It isn't one person's job over the other person (some people feel men should always apologize first) and it should happen as soon as possible. This often leads to the other person saying sorry as well. Be heartfelt about it though, don't just go through the motions!

Many people will tell you that compromise is the key to a successful relationship. While it isn't the only important element to a good relationship it is important. You should talk your situation through and find a good compromise that will work for both of you. Be willing to give a little. There is a country song about meeting in the middle (beneath that old Georgia pine). This is very true, be willing to give a little to meet in the middle. It will work so much better. If a compromise can't be reached the same day then agree to work on it for the future. If it is something that won't really effect your relationship then agree to disagree. Two parties in a relationship can disagree! The only time it matters is when it is about living together, values that effect the relationship, or other matters that are directly tied into your life.

  • Tip: In addition to meeting in the middle be willing to listen to a different solution then the one you have. It could be that you find yourself liking the solution or that it works better for the two of you then you could ever imagine it would.

Make Up.
It isn't enough to just come to a resolution. You really need to make up in order to move on. To do this make sure that you make peace with the other person. Make sure that you feel good about the situation and that there are no residual hurts left clinging and waiting for the next fight. It is a good time to remember how much you love the other person and often a good idea to make some sort of physical contact with them. Start with a kiss and see where it takes you. Often making up can lead to great times.

  • Tip: If things were said that were meant to hurt one another during the fight then make sure you apologize for those things specifically. Let your partner know that you were just angry or hurt and lashing out rather then honestly meaning the hurtful things you said.

Accept Your Differences.
In many cases couples will fight over the same things again and again. While getting past one fight is really good, it is also important to get past the issue. While expecting change in our partners is often something we do, it isn't really something that is fair to expect. Instead we need to try and get over those things that we fight about. Try to meet them in the middle rather then just expecting outright change. Rather then freaking out about the dirty socks on the floor (again), kindly ask them to pick them up. Work toward peace and acceptance!

Relationships are hard and they are work. Couples will fight at one time or another. How you deal with those fights and how you get over them is really the key to a successful relationship. Getting over fights is important. While it isn't always easy to do, you should start practicing and working through your fights as soon as possible!



May 4, 2012 9:36pm
Hi--for a person who also writes a lot about relationships, I truly like your article and especially what you call "stepping back." It is just so difficult to detach form your mate from now and then and take the space to become objective. Keep up the good work!!!
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