When you first met your spouse they could do nothing wrong. It seemed as if the sun rose and set whenever you two were together. Her carefree attitude was sexy and unique, and his unclean home said he needed a woman’s touch. Fast forward to two years into the marriage and her carefree attitude annoys you and his uncleanliness causes your toenails to curl. What happened? Reality set in. Learning to live together with your spouse is a difficult to embrace. You bring in all of your habits and your spouse brings in his habits and sometimes trying to melt the two turns into a mushy mess. You are arguing and disagreeing in almost every area of your life.
There are days when you love your spouse, and there are days when you can’t stand each other. When the butterflies of love are no longer in your tummy, and you see your cuddle bug as he/she really is, your love or what you thought was love fades. You stop speaking to each other, and spending time together and now your marriage is in jeopardy. You weren’t able to overlook who they really were and you no longer want to live your life this way, with this person. You have decided to overlook their good and focus on your differences.
When the love seems to fade, it is time to put on your marriage boots and remember the commitment you made to each other. Being in a marriage is a beautiful union, but once we realize we do not live with perfect people, our perspectives and expectations see the truth. This is the time to dig in your heels and revive your marriage. Below are some tips to help give you a good solid perspective on marriage that will hopefully save your marriage.
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Marriage = Commitment
When you said your vows to each other, you promised to love through the good and bad, whether sick or in good health. You promised to stay together through all of life’s storms and beauties. Unless you are dealing with continuous infidelity or abuse, fight for your marriage! Fight for the commitment you made to each other. Marriage is not about the love you feel in your heart and the warm fuzzies in your tummy, marriage is a commitment to one person for the remainder of their life. You are now part of a whole. You never have to experience life by yourself; you have a partner who knows you better than anyone else. So focus on this commitment, not the ebb and flow of your feelings. Feelings come and go, but the truth of this commitment is lasting and worth saving.
Show Your Love
It is great to feel like you are going to faint at the touch of your honey. It’s also great to feel queasy when they call your name, but let’s be honest, these lovely feelings will not last always, they will come and go, be strong and weak throughout the marriage. As stated above, there will be days when you love your spouse, and there will be days when you can’t stand to be around each other. It is ok, you are human. You can remedy your waning feelings by expressing your love. Love is an action, not a feeling. Show love, patience, kindness and gentleness toward your spouse, even if you don’t feel like it. Cook his/her favorite meal, or prepare their lunch, run their bath water and have it ready when they come home from work. Put your love into action, even if the feelings of love are on the floor of your heart. You made a commitment to this person, so act out love.
Change Your Perspective
When your marriage is struggling and you are fighting to salvage it, change your mind. Change the way you see your spouse. Stop focusing on your differences, and all of their negative behaviors and concentrate on the good inside of them. See them as a human being who wants love and respect. As an exercise, write down all of the good things you see in your spouse and all of the things you have in common. Anytime you feel like divorcing, think on this list. When you focus on their good and the things you have in common, your perspective of them will change. You will have new eyes when you see them. Remember, they are human, and humans are imperfect just as you are.
Invite Your Spouse Into Your World
Don’t close your heart to them. Let him/her participate in something you enjoy, even if it is watching a favorite TV show. Begin to open your heart back up, and let him/her experience your world. Discuss your favorite book with him/her, play video games with him. Start to invite your spouse back into your life. But, to do this, you must have a willing heart. You have to force yourself to open up if you desire to stay married and honor your commitment.
Become Friends Again
Sitting around a table discussing serious relationship issues will not help your marriage entirely. You must become friends again. Start to go out together and laugh with one another in a fun and light hearted environment. Begin doing things together and soon enough you will enjoy each other’s company and hopefully be more accepting of who they are.
Honor Your Spouse with Your Words
It is normal to want to talk to a relative or close friend about your marriage, but don’t put your spouse down with negative words. You dishonor him/her by talking about them in a negative manner. It is hard for those who love and care about us to remain objective. You may cause your relative or friend to dislike your spouse unfairly. There are three sides to a story, your truth, his truth and the actual truth. You are telling your problems from your perspective. So, be fair and include what you do to contribute to your damaged marriage when you talk to a friend or relative.
Marriage is a lot of work, but worth it. Just think, you are not alone, you have someone to share your life with. Accept your spouse for the person they are and all of the annoying behaviors they possess and not worry over trying to change and mold them into who we want them to be. If you have someone who loves you unconditionally, don’t you owe it to that person to work on your marriage? Hopefully the tips above will help you to mend save your relationship along with your mind and heart.