Most parents would like to see their children work hard and succeed in school and later in a career. The model that you present is the most effective means of ensuring this success. A child whose parents work hard sees by their example that hard work is the preferred lifestyle. The child understands from the very earliest that to get anywhere or achieve anything he has to make a commitment of time, effort, and emotion.

In families and cultures where industriousness is the unspoken rule and parents work hard at what they do, children learn that personal effort does count for something. When parents work and succeed because of their efforts, children imitate that lifestyle.

Working hard in your career and succeeding will not ensure that your child will work hard and succeed in school and in his career. Bonding within the family must be strong for a child to identify with you and your values. If your relationship is strong and your child feels he is a valued member of the family, he will follow your role modeling.

When bonding is weak, particularly if your career interferes with time spent with the child, he will not identify with your example. Your child will not pick up your values unless you spend time together. If your family has a habit of constantly blaming outside forces, luck or fate, instead of taking responsibility for your own successes and failures, you are modeling the wrong behavior. If your child fails in school, and you say it is the teacher's fault, not the child's responsibility. If Mom or Dad is late for an appointment, you blame it on the car or traffic or the weather. This sets a bad example for a child.

He learns to think of himself as a victim of all kinds of external forces. Instead of taking control of his life, he gets in the habit of attributing everything that happens, good or bad, to events and people beyond his control. You should take responsibility for your life so that your child learns to take responsibility for his.

Every parent wants the best for their children, and hopes to see them grow into happy healthy adults. As much as every parent may want the same thing for their children, few provide it for them in a useful way. The harder parents try to improve matters between them and their children, the more entrenched the predicament seems to become.

There are many things parents can be concerned with - behaviors, emotions, education, morals, health. But the most frustrating situations for parents usually come down to the simple desire that a child behave the way a parent expects and wants a child to behave.

If you’re like many parents, right now you are skeptical of a new style of interaction with your children, but you may be willing to try something new in order to change their behavior. Try the following elements with your next parenting difficulty and see if they don't make a difference:

*Scale back your focus from abstract, global problems to simple behaviors you would like to see or cease.

* You get more of what you demonstrate, so begin keeping a calm, non-emotional presence when in conflict with your child (after all, if you can't, how can they?)