Mistake No 1: Nagging, Nagging, Nagging
I’m a woman and I can totally relate with this. A slight mistake occurs and the first thing you want to do is to heap the blame on your partner. You want to blame him for the things he did and the ones he did not do. What you’ll find about this is, a man tolerates it but deep down, he feels resentment and when he can no longer take it, he opts out of the relationship. I used to nag too but lately, I’ve overcome that. I’ve overcame the tendency to complain about everything my husband does. I let him be. That way, he feels more responsible and thinks twice before taking any decision. Sometimes, I offer a word of advice but I don’t insist he follow it, I leave him to decide what to do. In a situation where he doesn’t follow my advice (and things don’t go as planned), I don’t sit down rejoicing that I’ve been vindicated. Rather, I’ll console him and discuss how to move forward from that point.
Closely related to this is constantly bringing up old issues. As women, I know we have a good retentive memory but I’d say always let bygones be bygones. If a matter has been dealt with, there is no point bringing it up again when discussing a new issue.
Mistake No 2: Withholding Physical Intimacy
This should actually be the first mistake because I sometimes listen to late night radio and the complaint by most husbands who call in is that their wives don’t satisfy them intimately. For starters, I’d like to say men don’t think like women when it comes to physical intimacy. They think about it several times a day, they fantasize about it and look forward to it and when you refuse them, it becomes a real hassle. And if you continually refuse them, they’ll look for satisfaction outside the matrimonial home (you and I know what that means). As a woman, I know we really don’t feel the need for physical intimacy all the time but you’ve committed yourself to a relationship and to make it work, you have to satisfy your husband.
Mistake No 3: Focusing On the Kids and Other Things
By nature, men love to be attended to. A situation where you focus more on the kids, your career or TV than your husband is going to spell trouble. Try to make a man feel at home by encouraging him, trying to know what’s going on in his business and affirming his manhood. This will boost his confidence and believe me when I say this; he’d always want to come home to your warm embrace. Solely focusing on the kids won’t help matters as the kids are going to leave home someday; what then happens to you and your stranger-husband?
Mistake No 4: Not Watching Your Appearance
Some women look attractive before marriage but a year or so after, they look unkempt, grow fat and generally look unattractive. Watch your appearance because some men still like their wives to look like when they initially met. I know child bearing, house-hold chores and employment can take it’s toll on our looks but try your possible best to look good (believe me; you don’t need a lot of money to achieve this). Try to look good all the time; your husband would appreciate you for that.
Mistake No 5: Not Speaking Your Mind
I’m a stongly opinionated lady and I say my mind when I feel like it. It makes me feel better, it makes my partner realize he’s wronged me and proceed with an apology but a situation where you keep quiet when you’re unhappy is uncalled for. For God’s sake, your partner is not a mind reader. Try and speak out when you’re unhappy about something, this would help your partner make amends and everyone will be happy again!
Mistake No 6: Questioning His Every Move
I don’t like to be monitored and I know several men don’t. You want to know his every move, transactions, etc. What if he doesn’t want to tell you (even though you have a right to know)? I don’t think it’s ideal to question every move your man makes, let him be, if he feels like talking about it, by all means, listen to him, if he doesn’t want to, leave him. I honestly think it’s a sign of insecurity to want to know every move your partner makes. It’s also a sign that you don’t trust him and trust is vital to the success of any relationship (marriage, inclusive). In most situations, when he refuses to tell you about his moves, you start insinuating and guessing (the ladies he went to see, etc). Most times, you may not be right but the fact that he remains silent about his moves, fuels your speculations. And these speculations would lead to resentment; resentment, on its part, would lead to unhappiness and moodiness.
Mistake No 7: Not Having a Life of Your Own
When you discuss with the menfolk, they tell you they love women who have a life of their own. Most men don’t want women who will be appendages to them. They love women who can hold their own any day. As a married woman, even if you didn’t have a source of livelihood before marriage, I think it’s high-time you start something to boost your self-confidence and earn your husband’s respect. Reverting to a man for every need won’t help you and your marriage.
Mistake No 8: Public Show of Shame
Men hate this to the marrow, don’t even be caught doing this. No matter how suspicious you feel about your husband and another woman, never ever confront her (if you want to stay married). Doing so will embolden her to continue but a situation where you maintain your cool and try to win your husband back with the wiles of a woman will surely work in your favour. I tell most women in this kind of situation to concentrate on winning their husband back (using different tips and tricks). Your battle at that point in time is not with the other woman, so, refrain from confronting her.
Mistake No 9: Criticising or Comparing Your Partner
Men hate this to bits. Instead of criticising a move by your man, offer suggestions to make the move better, profitable and fruitful. Never ever criticise a man openly and never compare your husband to another man. No man likes to be compared to another man. Every man is an original with a unique set of skills, so, accept your man as he is and stop comparing him to another man you know (your dad, for instance).
Mistake No 10: Taking Your Partner for Granted
Most women make this mistake; you’ve signed the dotted lines, you have your marriage certificate as the legal wife and the rings, so you think you’re stuck with each other? You better think again because a man can quit a relationship if he’s not happy with it. Your job as a woman is to make your husband feel wanted, never ever take him for granted. Accept him for who he is, tell him you love him even after 20 years of marriage, appreciate every gift he gives you (even the cheap ones), apologise when you’re wrong and everyone will be happy.
Summary and Action Takeaway
Watch these 10 mistakes married women make and work your marriage to success. By way of conclusion, let me quickly say it’s possible to stay married but I agree it’s a lot of work. Marriage is just like a garden which when tended to blooms with fresh flowers but refuse to tend to a garden and it would be overtaken by weeds. Refuse to give up your marriage to these mistakes, keep working at it, you’ll surely succeed!
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