Worst foods ever

Caution: Some disturbing images below.

Humanity has survived through a series of natural and self-inflicted disasters, resulting in plagues, wars, and famine. Somehow, the “strongest” of us have made it through. Our ancestors had to eat whatever they could to stay alive, and since they did stay alive long enough to sire us, we should be glad they suffered through the occasional blood sausage or haggis.

Since you’re reading this article, I’m going to assume you’re pretty darned well off. You’ve got a computer, an internet connection, and I’ll bet that you’ve got a refrigerator that you stock with food that you purchase at a grocery store. Let’s face it, nowadays, there aren’t ANY excuses for some of the foods people are still eating.


NattoCredit: commons.wikimedia.org/Gleam

10. Natto

Soybeans can be used to make lots of delicious, healthy dishes. This versatile plant can be used when it’s fresh to make a beautiful steamed edamame, or it can be processed into a smooth and creamy tofu that can be prepared to take on the flavors of whatever delicious sauce you’d like.

OR you can ferment it into a stinky, slimy, stringy dish that is popular in Japan for some reason.


BalutCredit: flickr.com/Marshall Astor

9. Balut

We’ve all got eggs in our kitchen, and you probably use them to make omelets or cake. If it’s in a carton and not, I don’t know, harvested from the nest of a goose in the park, it’s probably not fertilized. Balut, however, is a cooked fertilized egg that is just a sneeze away from being a hatched chicken.

Everything inside the shell is eaten: bones, beak, broth and all. It’s chicken soup for the most disturbed soul imaginable.


HotDogCredit: commons.wikimedia.org/cyclonebill

8. Hot Dogs

Don’t. Do not. Hot dogs are not a patriotic, national past time. They are an unholy mess of whatever is left over as barely recognizable scraps of meat on a bone, removed by a chemical process which only technically doesn’t render the “meat” inedible. The fact that we actually still eat these only goes to show that anything will taste good with enough salt on it.



DuckTongueCredit: Unknown Author

7. Duck Tongue

Take a good look at that picture. It looks delicious, right? Well unless my image search lied to me, the meat in there is duck tongue. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess you don’t know too much about duck anatomy (go ahead and Google duck anatomy, I promise nothing traumatizing will happen). As it turns out, duck tongue has a small, mostly cartilaginous bone in their tongues.

Eating a stir fry of duck tongue is nothing but unpleasant crunching with very little meaty reward.


SurstrommingCredit: Unknown Author

6. Surströmming

Here’s a quick pop quiz for you: Is it banned from airplanes on account of its threat of exploding and its hideous stench? Is it occasionally used as a literal stink bomb? Would a law against improperly fermented fish make it illegal to sell? If you answered yes to any of those questions take it off the cracker and step away!

Surströmming is a traditional product of Sweden, and it is so noxious that opening a can of it will clear the entire building. Consume with alcohol, or NEVER. Preferably never.


BirdsNestCredit: commons.wikimedia.org/Stu Spivack

5. Bird’s Nest Soup

There exists a species of bird known as the Swiftlet, which makes its nest off of inaccessible cliffs out of its own spit. There also exists a species which risks life and limb to climb up those cliffs, pull the spit-nests off the rock face, painstakingly transport it across the world, and cook it into an expensive soup.

I’m going to spoil the surprise ending for you: the second species is MAN! Humans have literally died trying to harvest nests made of saliva for the sole intent of selling them to soup-makers. With the ability of putting actual bird meat in my soup, I am at a loss for why I’d add their spit instead.


HakarlCredit: commons.wikimedia.org/Xfigpower

4. Hakarl

Here are a list of words: Ammonia. Poisonous. Rotten. Do any of those sound appetizing? If so, you should buy the next ticket to Iceland and enjoy a tasty dinner of Hakarl!

This was originally eaten out of hungry desperation, but it continues to be eaten for no logical reason whatsoever. The meat from the Greenland shark is poisonous to human beings if it’s eaten fresh. But oddly enough, if it’s allowed to rot for anywhere from 6-12 weeks, it becomes completely, mostly edible!


FunazushiCredit: flickr.com/tokyofoodcast

3. Funazushi

I will be the first to tell you that should absolutely enjoy fermented foods as often as you can. They are not only delicious, they have a lot of nutrients and health benefits. Our species has survived difficult times through the ability to preserve food which otherwise would have spoiled.

And then there’s Funazushi, which is a type of fish prepared by packing it with salt, putting it in a barrel of rice, and leaving it there for FOUR YEARS. You could go fishing, pack it up in its barrel, leave for college, and have your Bachelor’s degree by the time it was ready for dinner.

By the time it is served the bones have all gelatinized in the fermentation process, and the entire fish is cross sectioned for your dubious pleasure.


FuguCredit: commons.wikimedia.org/Chris 73

2. Fugu

There is a great deal of delicious fish in the ocean. Seafood is wonderful and comes in a wide spectrum of tastes and textures. However when one of those textures is “Deadly Poison”, perhaps try the salmon instead.

People have died from eating improperly prepared fugu. And to be sure, you can die eating anything if it’s prepared badly enough, but there is a point at which you need to ask how much poison-removal should be necessary in a kitchen.


1. Ikizukiri

(No picture provided on account of human decency)

There are restaurants where you can select your dinner from a fish or a lobster tank, and they will remove and cook that exact fish and/or lobster for your pleasure. In most cases, however, they will do your imminent dinner the courtesy of killing it first.

Ikizukiri is a menu item where the fish you chose out of the tank does not even get the sweet release of death before it is presented on a plate at your table. It is, however, sliced into bite sized pieces for your convenience.

I am not a vegetarian or vegan, I do enjoy eating meat on a regular basis. However I hope I am not alone in the belief that the animals we eat deserve to be treated with a level of respect. If I am ever harvested as an entrée for our malevolent Alien overlords, I sincerely hope they are enlightened enough creatures to kill me first.