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Top 10 Things You Should Never Say to Parents of Twins

By Edited Jul 13, 2016 5 14

No, You Are Not Being Original

There are many things you should never say to parents of twins, and these are the top ten. You may think that you are being clever or original, but please be advised that you are not.

We have heard it all before.

Any parent of twins knows that an excursion to the grocery store, the mall or to the park will invariably invite unwanted attention, questions and comments from the public at large.

10 Things You Should Never Say to Parents of Twins

The First Thing You Should Never Say to a Parent of Twins

"Did you take fertility drugs?" Excuse me, do I know you? In our Jerry Spingerized society, people has no qualms about asking incredibly personal questions to strangers that are none of their business. Celebrities make the cover of People magazine, telling in painful detail about their attempts to conceive, but that is not the case to the parents of twins in the grocery store.

When my twins were younger, complete strangers did ask me this question, and I was not too kind with my response.

The Second Comment You Need to Keep to Yourself

Clothing for twins(86342)

"Double trouble!" 

No, having twins is not double trouble. While we have twice as much work as the parents of singletons, we also get twice the hugs, twice the kisses and twice the love. Twins share a bond that we who are not twins cannot understand, and that is reflected in their actions. If we think of our children as trouble, then they will act accordingly.

The 3rd Thing We Don't Want to Hear

"My kids are eighteen months apart and it's just like having twins."

No, it most certainly is not like having twins. My twins are a minute apart, and that is much different than having children a year-and-a-half apart. While you can give a toddler a sippy cup and a bowl of Cheerios to eat for breakfast while watching a Sesame Street video and then feed ONE baby, a parent of twins has to feed two floppy headed infants who cannot hold a bottle at the same time.

While you have one mobile child and one confined to a car seat, we are schlepping two car seats chasing two toddlers around the house, and potty training two preschoolers.

The only thing more challenging than having two babies go through the same developmental milestones at the same time are triplets or higher multiple births!

The Fourth Question You Should Never Ask Parents of Twins

"Are they identical or fraternal?"

I will admit that I was sleep deprived longer than most because my twins did not sleep through the night until they were seven, but I am darn sure I know if they are identical or fraternal. Especially since I have a boy and a girl!

Which leads to the fifth thing you should never, EVER say:

"Are you sure?"

When asked this question, I would reply, "They are fraternal-boys and girls have different body parts." If that did not satisfy them as an answer, I would tell the person that yes, they were fraternal the last time I changed their diaper. My mom thought I was being fresh…I was just annoyed at strangers asking me if I could tell my son and daughter apart!

This Was the Story of My Life

I cracked up watching this because it is SO TRUE!

The 6th Thing You Should Not Say So You Aren't Annoying

"How do you do it?"

Did I have a choice? No one was helping me and I had to take care of my babies. I did it

Don;t ask parents of twins how they do it-they just do.
because I loved my babies (and still do).

The 7th Sentence You Should Never Utter

"It Only Gets Harder"

Gee, thanks for the pep talk. I appreciate your negativity.

Rude Comment Number 8

"Boy, you sure have your hands full!"

Yes, I do. They usually were full of tiny hands holding mine so I could cross a parking lot or street without losing one. My kids kept me busy, but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Comment Number 9

"Better you than me!"

I once had a man tell me that while I dared to go to Kohl's with my twinfants. I was exhausted as always, pushing my double stroller to get my one needed item and leave. When he made that comment, I told him that G-d gave me twins because I could handle it and he couldn't. I left him with his jaw dropped on the ground.

The Tenth Thing You Should Never Say to Parents of Twins

"Do twins run in your family?"

No mother of twins really really wants gets into a detailed genetic family history and the myth that twins "skip" generations. We just want to get out of the store before our babies needed another feeding or diaper change.

We parents of twins have heard it all. So the next time you ask someone with a double stroller with two babies if they are twins, and they answer yes, just smile and say something positive. It will make the mama's day.



Jun 26, 2010 12:35pm
Great insight into the life of the Mom of twins!
Jun 27, 2010 2:40pm
I must admit that something I'm trying to refrain from saying is "Are they twins?! Doh! Lovely article as always - well done.
Jul 7, 2010 10:05pm
Thank you both! We don't mind the :Are they twins" question, it's the personal ones that are irritating!
Jul 20, 2010 4:06pm
Awesome article! This one gave me a laugh...rants are always fun! I bet you feel much better typing all this out and venting about annoying strangers ;-) Thumbs up for sure!
Jul 20, 2010 4:12pm
Thanks, Travis! Glad I could amuse you! I was a total wreck until about a year ago. I think I have recovered enough that I, too, can laugh about twinfants, twin toddlers and twin preschoolers!
Jan 22, 2012 8:20pm
Fabulous article! I can't believe people ask you if they are identical twins! Amazing!
Feb 22, 2012 4:12am

I especially enjoyed the part about the "fraternal" thing. (My first wife had a twin brother, and some moron aked me if her twin and she were identical -- I said no, her DD breasts were MUCH bigger than his!).

The other one I've always enjoyed is when some pinhead asks, upon seeing two OBVIOUSLY identical twins, "Are they identical twins?" My answer? "No, they're a pair of identical strangers!"

Big ol' thumb ("better you than me" -- classic!!!)
Feb 22, 2012 5:21am
Haha Oh I am still laughing at our expense so I will apologize at being so rude now Mommyx3. I don't have twins, but I do have 4 kids. I have a couple of friends who have twins and she gets the same, even though one is ginger and slim and the other is brunette and chunky.
It is not Twin related but it brought back the frustration of idiots whilst being tired, overworked and in limited time to have some fool come spout carp at you. I had one of my daughters in a baby carrier trolley in my local supermarket. She was a week old and in a newborn white all in one snow suit, but the give away was the bright stripey pink bib hanging out of it. An old woman came across and said " Aww isn't HE cute, what is his name?", " Alicia-Jade, SHE is a week old" I replied. To my frustration the woman still replied with " Oh HE is lovely". Tired and cranky I walked off before I ripped her head off.
Much respect for you for having twins, haha. I mean, putting up with idiots whilst raising twins.x
Feb 22, 2012 5:22am
Just tweeted too, because it is so funny and useful.x
Feb 22, 2012 5:44am
Deb-Thank you! Yes, some people are just clueless about twins. They like to tell ME facts about them without actually having any.

Vic-If I had used that line my mom would have been even madder at me! She told me I was being rude. I told her their brains were stuffed with fluff.

Ddraig-I got the same thing when my oldest daughter was born. She was bald (unlike now with her waist-length hair). New mommies are just soooooo tired! My husband and I would have adopted a fourth, but G-d was wise and stopped us at twins.
Feb 22, 2012 6:13am
That was wise. I had my first one after investigations but he died. I had my next two with the use of the fertility drug Clomid( Prone to causing multiple births, the amount of people that kept stating that I well cold be having twins, because one could be hid behind the other you know! Even though I examined the scan very carefully!). As you can imagine with having that much interference to get pregnant I thought I would not have anymore if I did not use fertility treatment. WRONG! Started college and a new job, thought I had a really bad gastro bug, even admitted to hospital, I was 6 weeks pregnant, all by my lil ole self. I realised I needed to start taking precautions, weird after over a decade of not needing to,although the Noriday pill is not as affective as they would have you believe and the result is nothing short of a miracle and 10 years after losing my first son and having all girls, I was blessed with a boy. Don't I know it, he is 17 months old and whilst I was writing this he has emptied a whole pack of baby wipes over my room and thrown himself of the sofa!Would I swap it,hell no. Would I be a parent again? HELL NO,lol.I am one cranky, tired, burnt out 32 year old, can you tell much? hehe.
Feb 22, 2012 7:35pm
I am now officially forewarned. I can't believe you've been asked some of these things.
Feb 22, 2012 8:00pm
Our second daughter looks just like our first - can't tell them apart in same age photos. However raising them is not just like having twins.

I had a friend who had two sets of identical twins - boys and girls. That has to be rare, or genetic. There were other twins in the extended family.

Enjoy your identical boy and girl :)
Aug 2, 2012 3:25am
Did not know how bad things people could tell about twins. I don't know either why some need to know whether twins are identical or fraternal. What difference would it make to them anyway?!
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