No, You Are Not Being Original
There are many things you should never say to parents of twins, and these are the top ten. You may think that you are being clever or original, but please be advised that you are not.
We have heard it all before.
Any parent of twins knows that an excursion to the grocery store, the mall or to the park will invariably invite unwanted attention, questions and comments from the public at large.
The First Thing You Should Never Say to a Parent of Twins
"Did you take fertility drugs?" Excuse me, do I know you? In our Jerry Spingerized society, people has no qualms about asking incredibly personal questions to strangers that are none of their business. Celebrities make the cover of People magazine, telling in painful detail about their attempts to conceive, but that is not the case to the parents of twins in the grocery store.
When my twins were younger, complete strangers did ask me this question, and I was not too kind with my response.
The Second Comment You Need to Keep to Yourself
No, having twins is not double trouble. While we have twice as much work as the parents of singletons, we also get twice the hugs, twice the kisses and twice the love. Twins share a bond that we who are not twins cannot understand, and that is reflected in their actions. If we think of our children as trouble, then they will act accordingly.
The 3rd Thing We Don't Want to Hear
"My kids are eighteen months apart and it's just like having twins."
No, it most certainly is not like having twins. My twins are a minute apart, and that is much different than having children a year-and-a-half apart. While you can give a toddler a sippy cup and a bowl of Cheerios to eat for breakfast while watching a Sesame Street video and then feed ONE baby, a parent of twins has to feed two floppy headed infants who cannot hold a bottle at the same time.
While you have one mobile child and one confined to a car seat, we are schlepping two car seats chasing two toddlers around the house, and potty training two preschoolers.
The only thing more challenging than having two babies go through the same developmental milestones at the same time are triplets or higher multiple births!
The Fourth Question You Should Never Ask Parents of Twins
"Are they identical or fraternal?"
I will admit that I was sleep deprived longer than most because my twins did not sleep through the night until they were seven, but I am darn sure I know if they are identical or fraternal. Especially since I have a boy and a girl!
Which leads to the fifth thing you should never, EVER say:
"Are you sure?"
When asked this question, I would reply, "They are fraternal-boys and girls have different body parts." If that did not satisfy them as an answer, I would tell the person that yes, they were fraternal the last time I changed their diaper. My mom thought I was being fresh…I was just annoyed at strangers asking me if I could tell my son and daughter apart!
This Was the Story of My Life
I cracked up watching this because it is SO TRUE!
The 6th Thing You Should Not Say So You Aren't Annoying
"How do you do it?"
Did I have a choice? No one was helping me and I had to take care of my babies. I did it
The 7th Sentence You Should Never Utter
"It Only Gets Harder"
Gee, thanks for the pep talk. I appreciate your negativity.
Rude Comment Number 8
"Boy, you sure have your hands full!"
Yes, I do. They usually were full of tiny hands holding mine so I could cross a parking lot or street without losing one. My kids kept me busy, but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
Comment Number 9
"Better you than me!"
I once had a man tell me that while I dared to go to Kohl's with my twinfants. I was exhausted as always, pushing my double stroller to get my one needed item and leave. When he made that comment, I told him that G-d gave me twins because I could handle it and he couldn't. I left him with his jaw dropped on the ground.
The Tenth Thing You Should Never Say to Parents of Twins
"Do twins run in your family?"
No mother of twins really really wants gets into a detailed genetic family history and the myth that twins "skip" generations. We just want to get out of the store before our babies needed another feeding or diaper change.
We parents of twins have heard it all. So the next time you ask someone with a double stroller with two babies if they are twins, and they answer yes, just smile and say something positive. It will make the mama's day.