Learning how to be a loser, instead of learning how to be successful, might seem counter-intuitive.  A wise godfather once told me ”keep your friends close, but your enemies closer”, so as a farfetched extension of this quote; motivate yourself with both a carrot and a stick.

The following article will hopefully help you understand what separates productive, successful and happy citizens from tired, unmotivated and unhappy losers. As a disclaimer before we start, success does not inherently mean material wealth, who and what you define as successful is your own worry.

No integrity is the first and foremost characteristic of a loser. This person will not stand up for you in fear of ridicule, but in the next moment act as your best friend. They will follow only popular belief, try to please everyone and in short, be a shallow reflection of populist ideas. Integrity is not only what builds character, it is character. If you can’t honor your own values and principles, how can you respect yourself? And if you won’t, who will?

Having a strong sense of integrity does not consequently mean refusal to change. Refusing to change is simply another aspect of being a loser. This person is always correct, there is great shame in being wrong and changing opinions. Accordingly, they go through life with the same ingrained thoughts and ideas. Since there is no discussion they stay the same, there is no trial and error, no need to change because they are always right and they feel that the argument is won before even starting the discourse. This serves only to hold you back.

Another of the key reasons to why so many of us are held back is not because of our surroundings, it is fear. The fear of what may happen, fear for change, the fear of what we may become and the fear of the dark. Fear may motivate us, but in the other end of the spectrum, it cripples us, pulverizing our dreams, leaving us dumbfounded on our death-bed with this nagging thought of what might have happened?

When you let the fear of being judged rule your decisions you may never follow your heart. For some it may be the fear of being a parent that stops them from ever having children, or fear of failure that causes some to never try. I’m sure Vasco da Gama was afraid in some sense, I’m also sure that Napoleons heart was rapidly beating many times because of his fears and insecurities. But he grew from a poor Italian immigrant with harsh accent, living on one meal a day, to the most respected man in Europe during only a few years. Was he afraid of the opposing Arab forces outnumbering him 4 to 1? Most certainly, but he did not run, at least not in any other direction than into the enemy forces.

You can probably conclude that Napoleon never blamed anyone else for his mistakes. Blaming something or someone else for your failures is a trait of a sore loser. You may hear them say it was luck that made that guy or this person into what they are. Surely they will never succeed. They haven’t got enough money, there isn’t enough time or this and that and everything under the sky.

Take responsibility, have integrity and do not let your fears and insecurities govern your life. You are the ruler in the kingdom of your life. Whether it is school or work, take control. All these aspects are heavily intertwined; one usually affects the other so it isn’t necessarily black and white.

Conquer yourself and you will conquer anything.