Crushes are one of the universal checkpoints in life. Everyone goes through them at some point of time or another, and it is prone to be a very confusing time for those still young, as it was for me. My hope is that with this article I will be able to lay out and look at my own memorable experiences growing up to preen what wisdom there is to be found.
I am not really the kind of girl who falls head over heals for every guy that rounds the corner. In fact my mother was worrying about me a while back when I told her that I did not find any of the guys around me to be cute or likable. Now she's worried less about me nowadays I suppose, but looking back I say I had every right to not like any of those guys.
In fact the only crush I can admit to having before reaching adolescence was on this one boy named Angel. I was in about first grade and I had absolutely no sort of interaction with this boy at all. All I knew was his name, and that seemed to be perfectly fine with me! However, upon telling another girl about my inaptly named "crush" she ridiculed me because she actually knew this Angel kid and certainly made me feel foolish about liking a boy only for his name. But otherwise I don't think I had any other reason to like a boy. So I went for many years without having a crush and feeling fine with that.
Chronologically, my next personal experience with the opposite sex was in middle school of the seventh grade. In my science class was this boy whom not I cannot remember the name of, but I can remember how he looked then. He had a round face, brownish skin and short curly brown hair. Anyway, he was a good kid who joked some and I'd joke with him back. As far as I knew he was just a friend I had in the class, which was special in it's own right because I tended to keep to myself. So this went on for a few weeks and things were fine. Then I found out that this boy had moved away. I don't remember being that attached to him so it was just another twist in life. Then this girl in my homeroom told me that this boy had a crush on me, and that he wanted to give me a hug before he left but simply didn't have the guts to.
This floored me in a way. I had never even suspected anything about that boy's feelings for me, and probably they weren't that strong within him anyway, but still I was kind of put off by the fact he didn't even tell me about this before he left. I mean I could have actually had a boy friend or something. This was a big thing to hear that someone reportedly liked me. Me, the somewhat chubby girl who didn't really do much beside sit there in class, be smart, and doodle. I remember ranting about his to my mom who just let me rant and patted my head for reassurance. I wasn't so much mad at the boy than I was at the fact I didn't get to have something out of the ordinary for me: a boyfriend.
One more incident occurred my Sophomore year of High School. A new kid entered one of my classes and happened to be sitting next to me. I recognized that he was also in my P.E. Class, so I figured that to be a reason to talk with him. It just so happened that we were walking beside each other so I introduced myself to him. He was a cool guy, and I immediately named him Pickle. I like nicknames, and he was fine with it, so I was happy with that. We'd hang out off and on in P.E. and talk. Even during lunch we had a competition on who could get the most high-fives before the bell rang. He won with a vast majority above me, but I didn't mind. He was enthusiastic and fun, so I started this mini-crush on him.
There was even a time when we were rough housing during P.E. when we grabbed a hold of each others hands. I remember staring wide eyed at our hands, then looking up suddenly at Pickle. He had one his face the same expression I figured myself to have: Surprise. We let go of each other as if we still believed in cooties and moved away awkwardly. I laughed then and I still laugh now. However like the other time, the boy has since moved away, and I've never really heard of him again. Still, that was probably the closest I ever got, but now that's just some fun story to tell.
But since then I've had little experience in the game of love. No boys with crushes on me and no me smitten with some guy. And I was okay with that. My excuse was that all the people around me weren't my type or even remotely interested in the same things I was. I also held on to the fact that I would be able to find better prospects once I made it to college, and I'd have to say that I have. I'll admit that I was a little too eager that whenever I even talked to a boy I was already fitting my last name with his! Good thing this was all mentally, otherwise I'd feel quite pathetic.
Eventually I learned to calm down and just talk with everyone without thinking about how many kids we'd have or other foolish stuff like that. I'm pretty sure that was just me getting excited at the idea growing up. I know that things happen for a reason and that I am far too young to be desperately looking for a man. I just need to let things happen and I'll be fine.
So, what have I learned from all of this?
From Angel- Know more than his name. All I know about this kid is his name, which I'm leaving off for obvious reasons. I also know that he is reader, so that's good since I'm writer who needs to get to reading more books. But otherwise, not much else is known. The remedy? Talk to him. Soon. I could be missing out on something.
From Middle School- Be his friend at least. That kid from middle school became interested in my just through me simply talking with him. While I didn't know about how he felt about me, I was at least somewhat of an influence on him. To the current situation, it would be kind of hard to talk with him in class, since the seats are silently reserved for a certain person each day, so I can't move closer to be able to talk to him more. I can approach him after class, though. Even though I know we walk in opposite directions home, I can at least take the walk out of the building to find a way to strike up a conversation. Maybe I could pull the "You're smart" thing out on him again. That could work.
From Pickle- What's the harm? I can look back at the Pickle situation and laugh, thinking about how cute it was, even though it didn't work out like some teen movie. So what's the harm if I become this guy's friend and then nothing happens because of it? At least I can say that I went up to him, even though I really think it should be the guy to pursue a girl. Sometimes it doesn't work like that, but hey, stuff does happen.
It is often said that the best way to learn is to learn from one's mistakes. By reading this article, I hope that you may have gained some insight or ideas to help you in your blossoming love.