How you find out
It wasn't until I started writing on line and answering other people's worries that I realised how many infidelity worries there are out there, so I hope this answers some of those worries.
There is an itch in your head that you just can't scratch, something just doesn't quite add up. You are starting to have suspicions that your other half is cheating on you. Now you are in a place of moral judgement. You need to know, and there is no point just asking, you could lose them for asking if they are innocent, or you could give them the excuse they need to leave, right? Wrong!
In a world where the strongest survive, it is dog eat dog, and you need to be sensible enough to look after yourself, with out having a massive paranoia about your partner. This has to be about your own instincts and not about your jealous streak. If your suspicion is based upon your own nature, rather than a true cause to worry, you may already have a doomed relationship through your own actions, rather than anything your partner is or is not doing.
If you are not a jealous person by nature then your partners behaviour may indeed go on under your very nose, and you will not wish to believe any of it, because you love and trust your partner. It is so hard to push the boundaries of trust in a true relationship, and if you are going to be active about it, then you need to prepare yourself for all outcomes, as you may not like what you find, even though you had your suspicions. You also need to be ready for your partners reactions, whether they are guilty or innocent. If you are ready for answers and you keep your life in your own hands, then read on.
Things a partner will and won't do when they are online cheating.
If a partner is use to cheating then they will not leave information about there wanderings, not on purpose anyway. But we are all only human and people who are careless will get caught. Look for a change in habits that are not to do with your normal lifestyle together would be a good start.
- They may start to stop up later than usual, as they will be chatting to people they don't want you to see them chatting to.
- They may stay out of the way, and stay out later at work, if they can use works computer. As that keeps it away from you.
- A partner that is cheating will also clear all their messages and data from each use of the computer. You may get a break with this one if they are using an alias and think they are safe.
- Watch out for a name that re-occurs that you are not familiar with. This could be something as simple as a strange email coming up in your search bar when you try to log in to your Facebook account or some other site. I don't mean the person they are messing around with, but an alias that your partner will be using to do what they should not be doing.
- Don't think that everything your partner is doing is to be a cheat. Online cheaters don't spend all their time doing so. Just keep vigilant and remember changes that come around again.
A cheater will also try and change how they behave offline. They will either keep their distance from you, as they are losing their appeal for you, or they will try and over compensate and you will wonder where this surge of attention has come from.
- It may be just a fantasy for them and they may not even consider cyber sex or chatting as cheating, so put them straight, quickly.
From the points that I have made, you will probably notice that some are contradictory, because they are. Cheaters are the same as everyone else. Some have a conscience whilst others really could not care whether anyone else gets hurt by their actions or not.
What you can do to deal with an online cheater.
The obvious one here would be to open and honestly confront your partner with your suspicions and hope they are misguided or that your spouse or partner will be honest enough to admit their shenanigans. Don't hold your breathe though, you may turn blue!
You could use your money and pay for someone to send him or her an online message, that you know of previous, and see how they react to this.
If you are priveliged enough to have more than one computer or laptop, you could try and target them, but this would take some knowledge of alias' and email addresses or facebook accounts. However, this could really backfire if your other half finds that on your computer.
The dangerous thing isn't that they may have cheated any you find them out, but that they are innocent and they have been wrongly accused. That can really hurt a relationship, but that is what the cheater plays on, so time to put the big people pants on and make some decisions.
If loving someone is that complicated though, maybe it is time to drop the player and meet someone who is straight down the line.