What happens when your children become “Young Adults?”
Connecting with your new lodger
Suddenly you have found yourself living with a house full of young adults. You don’t see it happening because they are always your children, your babies, and your world. However, you wake up one morning and your wonderful little blessings have or are turning into creatures from the deep.
You may find yourself asking questions like “Where have my children gone?” This wonderful creature that was once very accommodating, loving, caring, who loved my cuddles and positive influences. Who is this person standing on top of the stairs shouting at me to “Shut up and stop nagging”?
First and foremost you need to know that they are still in there somewhere! They have simply entered into adolescence and are becoming a young adult with their own thoughts, feelings and life expectations, which are probably very different to yours. Ouch did that hurt?
The constant mood swings are perfectly normal, even if it feels very alien to you. Yes it is like living with a complete stranger at times, but you are not alone. Every parent and car provider will experience this to some degree.
The trick is as they change you need to change and adapt to a different way of communication. In order to communicate and form some sort of balanced relationship with your new young adult you need to constantly be aware of how you communicate.
Connecting with your new lodger
It is vital that you know and believe that it is very normal for young adults to test boundaries and the limits you have set within your home. This is all part of them forming their own identity and getting ready to grow up and leave home. Your job as a positive parent is to make this transition as comfortable as possible for the sake of your sanity and the rest of their lives.
Positive communication is the key. So how do you talk effectively with your young adult or new ledger that maybe refusing to even talk to you?
- Arrange a time to talk, do not demand that they talk to you now
- Talk when things are quiet and peaceful
- Never push a conversation when the anger levels are high
- Use a calm gentle tone, do not shout (this will only create the catalyst for an argument to erupt)
- Give equal time to your young adult so they can voice their opinions
- Do not lecture or preach (they sit through lectures daily in school, it’s the last thing they need when they come home at night)
- Use a talking card and remain quite when the young person is holding it
- Do not interrupt them when they are speaking. Hold your thoughts until they have vented all that they need to vent
- Remain calm, if you start to lose your temper remind yourself that you are losing control of the situation
- If your young adult starts to lose their temper still remain calm even if they start to shout, slam and bang (normal teenage behavior)
- Let them leave on the condition that they come back to discuss things when they are calmer
- Most importantly LISTEN
- Constantly check if you are applying all of the above when you do strike up a conversation.
Effective communication is a vital component to helping your young adult become a well-balanced mature adult. It is all part of positive parenting and teaching them the fundamental core of how to interact with the big world we live in.