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What is a Soulmate?

By Edited Aug 3, 2016 7 12

Definition of a soul mate.

A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction... Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.”[1]

"I hold the lock and you hold the key"

Origins of a soulmate, according to Greek Mythology.

Deutsch: Kupferstich (1795) von Tommaso Piroli (1752 – 1824) nach einer Zeichnung (1793) von John Flaxman (1755 – 1826).
The first humans had one head with two faces, four arms and legs, etc. Zeus believed these humans had great powers and feared they would one day rule the gods. To extinguish the threat, Zeus split them in half. This left each human half to a lifelong search, longing for their other half; their true soul mate. "It is said that when the two find each other, there is an unspoken understanding of one another, that they feel unified and would lie with each other in unity and would know no greater joy than that."[2] This could explain why some of us feel complete with a “soulmate”. It also brings to light how the phrase “You Complete Me” came about.

How to determine if you’ve found your soulmate?

The 10 Elements of a Soulmate.[3]

Dr. Carmen Harra, a published author, clinical psychologist and relationship expert, explains the ten elements of a soul mate as:

"1. It's something inside. Describing how a soulmate makes you feel is difficult. It's a tenacious, profound and lingering emotion which no words can encompass.

2. Flashbacks. If your partner is your soulmate, chances are he or she has been present in your past lives. Soulmates often choose to come back together during the same lifetime and scope each other out in the big world. You might suddenly and briefly experience flashbacks of your soulmate. You might even feel an odd sense of déjà vu, as if the moment in time has already taken place, perhaps a long time ago, perhaps in a different setting.

3. You just get each other. Ever met two people who finsh each other's sentences? Some people call that spending too much time together, but I call it a soulmate connection. You might experience this with your best friend or your mother, but it is the telltale sign of a soulmate when you experience it with your partner.

4. You fall in love with his (or her) flaws. No relationship is perfect, and even soulmate relationships will experience ups and downs. Still, that bond will be much harder to break. Soulmates have an easier time of accepting, even learning to love, each other's imperfections. Your relationship is more likely to be a soulmate match if you both love each other exactly as you each are, accepting both the great and awful tendencies we all have.

5. It's intense. A soulmate relationship may be more intense than normal relationships, in both good and sometimes bad ways. The most important thing is that, even during negative episodes, you're focused on resolving the problem and can see beyond the bad moment.

6. You two against the world. Soulmates often see their relationship as "us against the world." They feel so linked together that they're ready and willing to take on any feat of life, so long as they have their soulmate by their side. Soulmate relationships are founded on compromise and unity above all else.

7. You're mentally inseparable. Soulmates often have a mental connection similar to twins. They might pick up the phone to call each other at the exact same time. Though life may keep you apart at times, your minds will always be in tune if you are soulmates. 

American Boy Meets British Girl- Love and Romance on the Home Front
8. You feel secure and protected. Regardless of the gender of your partner, he or she should always make you feel secure and protected. This means that if you're a man, yes, your woman should make you feel protected, too! Your soulmate will make you feel like you have a guardian angel by your side. A person who plays on your insecurities, whether consciously or subconsciously, is not your soulmate. 

9. You can't imagine your life without him (or her). A soulmate is not someone you can walk away from that easily. It is someone you can't imagine being without, a person you believe is worth sticking with and fighting for.

10. You look each other in the eye. Soulmates have a tendency to look into each other's eyes when speaking more often than ordinary couples. It comes naturally from the deep-seated connection between them. Looking a person in the eye when speaking denotes a high level of comfort and confidence."

I agree with each and every element written by Dr. Harra. Although in my opinion, I don't believe a soulmate needs to possess all ten elements.

A spiritual connection.

A soulmate makes you feel as if you are the most important person in their life, their #1 priority. And you in turn, want to make them feel the same. You motivate each other, adore each other’s company and conversation and have mutual respect in each other’s ideas and differences. These emotional ties are signs of spiritual connection. Your connection is so strong that you are able to finish each other’s sentences, laugh like nobody has ever made us laugh at things that no one else can get, tease each other playfully without hurting each other's feelings, and feel comfort in the moments of silence. Soulmates are able to talk for hours about everything and nothing. Communication is effortless and include telephone calls, emails and text messages without hesitation.

Have you ever picked up your phone to call or text your soulmate when at the exact moment that you do, they are calling or texting you? A soulmate makes you feel protected emotionally. When apart, you may long for your soulmate's physical presence yet you are aware of their spiritual presence. Your spiritual connection is not only your soulmate but a friend and confidante.

Tips to find a soulmate.

Tip #1: First and foremost, be happy with who you are.  If you aren't happy with who you are, how can your soulmate be happy with who you are?

Tip #2: Be open to meeting new people and opening up your heart to what they have to offer. Sometimes the perfect soulmate is the one that you least expect.

Tip #3: Get yourself out there. You're not going to meet your soulmate sitting at home. Try activities and functions that will hone your social skills. Make plans with your friends, join an interactive group, take on a hobby, go out to dinner or a movie by yourself, or try your hand at online dating (which will only get you out there if you decide to meet someone).

Tip #4: It is said that opposites attract. In reality, it is not a lifetime attraction. Look for someone with similar interests and personality as yourself. True soulmates seem to think alike, share the same interests and have common values. 

Final thought.

We each have a one in 7.2 billion chance worldwide[4] of finding that one special person that we are destined to be with. Some believe that we are all reincarnated and that our strongest spiritual connections are with people we've known in previous lives. [5] Whether you believe in destiny or reincarnation, finding a soulmate has been compared to winning the lottery, finding a needle in a haystack or having two puzzle pieces fitting together perfectly. Finding a soulmate can seem to be a daunting task but the benefits, emotionally and physically, will be well-worth the effort. In most cases, finding your soulmate will happen when you least expect it. Be patient and get happy with yourself.

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Apr 15, 2014 5:40pm
You know, you REALLY nailed this with your list of aspects (ESPECIALLY #1 and #2). I never made a point in my life of looking for a "soul mate", partly because I have no soul and secondly I was certain such a thing as a soul mate never existed. Mostly, I just hoped to find any woman could put up with my crap for awhile (and there have been a lot of them--living with me is no day at the beach as you can well imagine).

But, I gotta tell ya, my current wife is THE ONE, and she is everything I could ever want in a woman. I adore her, and I love that I get to go to bed every night with her and awaken every morning with her warm body pressed against me--it is magical to find such a woman whose every breath is precious to me.

This was a killer overview. The only thing I might add is to let kismet sometimes take the lead--ya never know what could happen if you go ahead, jump into the deep end, and take a chance on someone who might just be that "soul mate" (touched on in Tip #3). A thumb!
Apr 15, 2014 9:01pm
I'm glad that you have found "the one" and know it. It took me a long time to find my soulmate but when I did, I felt, and continue to feel, like the luckiest woman in the whole wide world. Kismet definitely played a major part! Thanks for your input and your thoughts, Vic. You are right on!
Apr 15, 2014 5:50pm
I agree that we need to be happy with ourselves first (excellent advice). In the couples that I know (who are still together) I find that they look each other in the eye and they "recharge" each other (no one dominates the other). I've felt mentally on the same wave length as someone - and it's a connection I've never forgotten (although he is no longer in my life). Interesting and helpful article, thumbs.
Apr 15, 2014 9:08pm
Yes, being happy, and content, with oneself is huge. The saying, "it'll happen when you least expect it" is so true. Thanks for reading.
Apr 18, 2014 12:14pm
Great article! I really enjoyed reading it.
Apr 21, 2014 10:44am
I really appreciate your comment. Thanks Boomer Bill for the read.
Apr 20, 2014 1:55pm
Hello i'm newbie here
Apr 21, 2014 10:46am
Welcome! Can I suggest posting your announcement in the Forum to get more welcomes from your fellow IB members?
Apr 26, 2014 4:32am
Nice article.
Just joined, hope to learn and contribute.
Apr 26, 2014 9:11pm
Thanks for reading and welcome. This is a great place to write.
May 11, 2014 1:46pm
Wow what an engaging and interesting article. Its had a profound effect on me.
Thanks Suzy.
May 12, 2014 5:42am
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment Yngwie. I really appreciate it!
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  1. Richard Bach "Richard Bach > Quotes > Quotable Quote." Goodreads. 17/03/2014 <Web >
  2. Plato as Translated by Benjamin Jowett "Symposium." The Internet Classics Archives. 17/03/2014 <Web >
  3. Dr. Carmen Harra "The 10 Elements of a Soulmate." Huff Post Healthy Living. 17/07/2013. 18/03/2014 <Web >
  4. CantyMedia "World Population (2014)." geoba.se. 19/03/2014 <Web >
  5. Bill "Soulmates, Past Lives, And Relationships: Feeling The Pull Of "The One"." Facebook. 5/06/2011. 19/03/2014 <Web >
  6. Guy Finley "Let Go and Live in the Now." Life of Learning Foundation. 19/03/2014 <Web >

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