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What to Do if an Ex Wants You Back

By Edited Jun 30, 2016 0 0
Heading for (a) fall
Credit: jinterwas on Flickr/license CC BY 2.0 with attribution

People often enter a relationship with high hopes of happily ever after, but unfortunately it doesn't always work out that way. Circumstances can evolve, or people change. Either can affect the dynamics of a relationship. If this happens, a breakup can occur.

Not every relationship ends in a breakup, but they are a facet of the cyclical nature of relationships. Sometimes relationships work out beautifully, other times not so much. Then there are the relationships which are of an on and off again nature because one or both parties just can't seem to let go.

What do you do if an ex contacts you to tell you he or she will move heaven and earth to get back together with you?

Texting closeup

Is Reconnecting With an Ex a Good Idea? It Depends...

It can take a lot of time to get over a breakup, and it can be a dilemma if after going through all the anguish, anger or sadness of a breakup you learn your ex wants to get back together.

Getting back together with an ex is not always a bad thing. Conflicts happen in relationships and, when they aren't worked out, people tend to go their separate ways. It may not be until later on a person realizes how much they miss a former partner and, as a result, attempt to make a strong effort to repair what it was that made the relationship go wrong in the first place.

Sometimes the reason an ex may come calling is because time spent apart does wonders for the heart and those old disagreements are reconsidered and appear trivial in hindsight. Or it could be the old wounds have healed and fresh perspectives begin anew, and this opens a gateway for people to find their way back to one another. On the other hand, getting back together is not always the right move to make.

Questions to Ask Yourself

 If you are considering getting back together with an ex there are a few things you should think about before making a new commitment. Before giving your ex an answer, consider these questions you may want to ask yourself first before you make a decision of whether or not you should get back together with him or her.

What caused the breakup? Why you broke up is a prime consideration to think about when you are faced with the decision of whether or not to get back together with an ex. Was the breakup due to a misunderstanding, a circumstance which has now changed or was it a more deep-rooted problem? Can you let go of whatever problems existed? These are important factors to take into reflection as you tender your decision.

Couple talking

Does trust exist? Is there trust in the relationship? If your breakup was due to reasons because there was a shaky foundation where trust was concerned, this may not have changed. This isn't to say trust can't be reestablished, but building trust can be difficult if it has been compromised in the past.

How about love? Whether or not you love this person is another important issue to consider as you weigh out the pros and cons of getting back together. After the breakup were you able to move on and not think too hard about the loss of the relationship, or did you find yourself angst-ridden during the time you were separated?

What is the drive behind the reconciliation? It is also important to determine the reason why you would want to be with this person again. Is it because you truly feel a part of you is missing or would you be getting back together to fill a void of emptiness? Is your ex truly missing you or trying to fill his/her emptiness? If a general sense of emptiness is the reason from either perspective, this is seldom a good reason to get back together because chances are at some point down the road you'll go through another break-up with this person.

What was the previous relationship? Another important factor to consider is whether or not you've been married before (or had been living together). After a divorce has occurred between two people, sometimes it is better not to travel down that road again. This is not to say couples cannot reconcile, but there is a big difference between dating someone and living with him or her. For many people it is difficult to have a casual dating relationship after having lived together. Take a lot of time to consider the reasons why this split happened and why the breakup wasn't prevented in the first place. Every situation is different so this is something to do some deep thinking about. You don't want to make the same mistakes twice.

After taking all that into consideration next ask yourself - are you ready to live with this person again?

When it's Time to Let Go

Some relationships are meant to be, but other times, even if you love someone, the best thing is to let go. If there was a good reason as to why you broke up to begin with, chances are that reason could still very well exist. Relationships don't work out for different reasons.  Sometimes you're better off without the relationship and other times life may feel empty without your ex in it.

When an ex wants you back, carefully evaluate the reasons of why you should get back together with him or her before making an agreement to try for a reconciliation. If after doing some soul searching you realize you're better off without your ex, you'll know this is the right choice to make. 

Hit the road!

On the other hand, getting back together with this person may just feel like the "right" thing to do.

Couple in love

Either way, go with your gut - it often does not lie. When an ex wants you back this may be the best thing in the world or it may be the worst, but ultimately, it should take some serious reflection before making the decision. The bottom line is there is no one-size-fits-all answer.

The video below suggests waiting a month before making a decision and provides some additional thoughts about making this kind of decision.



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