Most infidelities just come out of the blue. Nobody wanted it to happen although there are possible reasons behind it. These do not justify the act, however, and if you’re reading this to find out what to do when your wife is having an affair, there are steps which can help you out.
The first step is always awareness. Understand that it’s not just about her having sex with someone else. It’s about her breaking the bond of trust, loyalty, honesty, and respect in marriage. In some cases, it may even result to both of you being exposed to sexually transmitted diseases or STDs. If the latter is suspected, both parties must undergo a medical examination just to be sure.
What to do when your wife is having an affair: confrontation
Confronting your wife is often done right after the deed is out in the open. It will be wiser however to let it pass for a while and consider a sincere and straight from the heart talk when you’re ready to listen. Some of the relevant questions you need to ask yourself before and after the confrontation are:
“What do I want? Is it ending the relationship or making it work?”
“Can I forgive her for what she did?”
“How far am I willing to do in order to make things work?”
Extra-marital affairs are often not serious
If the affair just came out of nowhere, then it’s most likely nothing serious. The fact that you are married or is committed to each other makes your relationship far better than an illicit affair full of secrecy and denial. Studies show that most extra-marital affairs end up with legitimate husbands and wives getting back together again. Most affairs from nowhere also don’t last too long and when they end, they often end for good.
Why men leave their wives
Most men do not leave their wives due to an issue with infidelity. The most common reasons behind separation include financial problems, physical incapacity, irreconcilable differences (it’s even a ground for divorce or annulment), and the lack of a fruitful, fulfilling, and satisfying relationship. These do not justify cheating in a relationship though and are only mentioned for reference.
What to do when your wife is having an affair: counseling
A positive result of a reasonable confrontation will have both parties agree upon seeking the assistance of a professional marriage counselor. This step can help you decide whether or not to continue with the relationship. A professional counselor can assist both parties to understand the root cause of the problem and can suggest strategies to make it work even after the illicit affair.
There’s no guarantee that a cheating wife will no longer have affairs out of the blue after a confrontation or marriage counseling. But since marriage is about love, hope, trust, and communication, your marriage is more than enough to at least give her a chance. She may have to do her best in winning your trust and respect back in case both of you agrees upon the possibility of making things work.
What to do when your wife is having an affair: dealing with everyone
The most important people you have to deal with are your kids although they are often the last to know. So once you decide to bring them into the picture, be honest enough to tell them what exactly is going on without diving into the details of her infidelity. Your wife is still the mother of your kids and you must make sure that they continue to love and respect her despite your marriage problems.
Speaking of respect, she deserves it from you too in spite of what she did. Telling just about anybody about her mistake won’t do you any good. It’s just a waste of your time, makes you more miserable about it, and prevents you from finding a resolution to your marital problems. Even if you decide to end the relationship, there should still be respect for each other. You can show respect by not loosely telling everybody about what she did.