White lies - How to stop lying
Telling lies or saying a little white lie is a common problem. All of us say lies, if you said “I don’t” you just lied. But why do people lie? Is lying a habit? Can I stop lying? There are so many questions crying out for answers. Lying seem to be second nature to some people , they are not even aware that they are lying, or do not care enough about it. It has become a habit and a need to say lies. For others it is an escape route, a momentary need to get out of that pressure filled situation. Some people do not even want to tell lies and then it slips out, they are wondering why on earth did I say that? For them it is a constant pain to go back and say the exact truth because they do not like lying. Compulsive lying is of course a deep-seated personality problem that need professional help. Lying seem to be a phenomena that needs more light to be shed on it. The freedom in speaking the truth is lost when we lie, even the little white lies. Stop lying, get back your freedom. ‘The Truth shall set you free”.
Why do people lie?
Why children lie
People lie for all kinds of reasons. Children lie, so that they can escape punishment. They know that they have done something wrong that merits punishment and lying is a way of getting out of trouble.
They also tell lies, when speaking the truth in that instance would make them the butt of jokes among peers. It is their protection against inadequacy of some sort.
They also like to boast, about their toys and possessions. They want to show off about how much better they are than their friends. They also may want to add those extra details to their stories to make them look like their latest hero and brag about their exploits. A need to feel more secure and confident.
It may even be a flight of fancy where reality and illusion blend into each other.
Why teenagers lie
Teenagers often lie / brag so that they seem cool in front of their friends. They fear that peer group acceptance does not come easily, if they sound very ordinary. The fear of rejection or the need to be accepted causes them to lie.
They often tend to believe that a little bragging and exaggeration makes them appear more appealing and more confident. They tend to make up with little white lies for all the missing appeal in their personality.The feeling of insecurity and low self-worth/esteem may seem to urge them on to lie.
Teens also lie often to escape punishment or discipline.
They could also lie to get out of wrong decisions and tough situations.Why adults lie
Grown ups lie mainly as an excuse to escape from thing that they don’t want to face. They sometimes lie so that they do not to hurt others. At times they lie just to look good in the eyes of others. Some adults may also lie to malign and hurt others .Is lying more among men than women? I really don’t know, ask the women about their age or weight and the men about their courage and exploits and I think they are equals when it comes to the art of lying. Though the reasons may be varied, lying causes a sense of unease and discomfort in self and in people around them.
Why stop the little White lies
Why? you may ask, they do not hurt. White lies may even seem beneficial to you, and in some instances a lie could help you avoid hurting people,or avoid a tight situation. Yet each lie you say, changes the basic character in you. For example when a teenager lies about something, just to look cool he/she has to maintain a façade for which he/she has to keep adding to the mountain of lies.
We may have to keep covering up our lies with more of them, so that we are not found out, until we come clean. The sad truth about lying is that when you say the same lie often you end up confusing it with the truth and you may even start believing it yourself. You become the victim of your own lies.
Lying often leaves you feeling insecure and edgy. The fear of being found out keeps haunting you and does not allow you to enjoy your peace.
People are smart, they quickly pick out your lies, from the truth. If you are consistently lying you may lose the trust of all the people around you and none of your words may have any credibility even when you speak the truth. This may be a risky thing especially in times of trouble when you need help.
The habit of exaggeration or saying too many white lies tends to become a habit that gets out of hand over a period of time. It becomes a part of your character that makes it difficult for others to trust you even when you speak the truth.
How do I stop lying - help to stop lying
The first step is to recognize the fact that lying causes you to drift from your values, you lose your sense of integrity. It puts also you at a disadvantage with others. Admit that you are a liar and you need to change, most importantly don’t lie to yourself, that you do not have a problem.
A strong desire to get over your problem and the willingness and determination to work through it, is critical to overcome the problem.
When you lie, and realise what you have done it, correct yourself immediately. Never shy away from saying ‘sorry’ or ‘this is how I should have said it” or “that was not the truth”. It may hurt your ego at first but you are on the way to a better life. Remember no one is perfect.
Avoid those situation where you need to brag or resort to lying at least initially or until you can take control of yourself.
You need to understand the reasons why you feel inadequate and work on building your self-confidence and self-esteem. Try to gain acceptance in the rightful way.
Make sure that you only make promises that you mean to keep. Make no excuses, learn to be assertive, you can say ‘no’ without hurting others.
Research shows that people in romantic relationship lie to each other more than any other group of people. The lies tend to be about some indiscretion or some details of your past relationships. Remember that trust and love go hand in hand. You are more likely to break your relationship, than keep it by lying. Gain the trust of your loved one/s by accepting your problem and seeking their co-operation in overcoming your problem.
Is is okay to fall or fail, what matters is that you get up and get back on track. Break this habit, stop the lies.
If you cannot stop lying take professional help.