Kids Say The Darndest Things
Children have quite the imagination at times; I find it funny how they think. So innocent and pure, yet absolutely hilarious at times, especially how they think a lot of things work. When all 3 of my children get together they come up with a lot of different stories and opinions, especially when they think I can’t hear them. I can't help but share some of their stories and conversations. This was the conversation for a typical day at home on the couch when they were talking about our kitten Molly.
CATS MAKING BABIES
Son – "Molly can’t have babies, she’s a cat."
Daughter – "Yes she can"
Son – "Um no she can’t."
Daughter – "Yes she can. If we left the door open and she ran away and found a boy cat they
Son – "So she can have babies?"
Daughter – "Yes, I said yes."
Son – "So when a girl cat and a boy cat lick each other they make babies?"
Daughter – "Yes"
Son – "Gross! She’s not licking me anymore!"
I laughed for quite a while…
Then about 3 weeks later they had forgotten all about it. My partner had noticed a Tom Cat hanging around outside the front door, so we booked Molly in to get spayed since she is perfect age. I told the kids, "Please don't let Molly out, there has been a boy Cat hanging around and we don't want her to get pregnant. I then proceeded to get ready for a shower, and mid shower as per usual, my children come running in wanting me to sort out an argument they were having. This is how it goes...
ONE LICK AND IT'S ALL OVER!
Son: "So there's been a boy cat thats trying to get Molly?"
Me: "Yes, don't let her outside, and can you get out of the bathroom"
Son: "So what happens if she gets out, she will get pregnant?"
Me: "Yes, she could. Now can you get out of the bathroom please."
Son: "So would it take just once?"
Daughter: "Yes, if she gets outside, all he has to do is lick her as she is running outside and then she is pregnant. Imagine how many kitty litter changes we will have to do then! Don't let her get out, I'm not changing the kitty litter box every ten minutes! Now get out of the bathroom, mum wants a shower".
I couldnt help but laugh, and all I could imagine was our kitten Molly running outside the door, the kids in a frantic trying to catch her and this boy cat sticking his tongue out and giving her a big lick. Bam, it's all over, kittens everywhere with them doing kitty litter changes every ten minutes.
MONEY STEALING MACHINE
Kids love to count money, and every so often we take the kids up to the bank to put their money box savings into their bank savings. The first time we went up the kids had no idea what was going on, it was quite cute. They strutted down the shop pathway with their money boxes, people were looking at them and they smiled all proud to be taking their money boxes to the bank.
We’ve walked in and stood in line. Then my daughter pointed out that we could use the coin machine instead, so this is how it went.
Daughter: “Oh we can use this machine here, it says insert coins”.
Me: “Ok, it’s your idea you go first”.
She walked up to the coin operation machine and started pouring in her change. The machine started up, the belt going round taking the coins with it, counting them.
She stood there quietly watching, not speaking a word although I could by their faces, what all three children were thinking.
Son: “It’s stealing all her money! I’m not putting my money in there; I’m giving it to the lady!”
He was pretty shocked and determined not to put his money in this money stealing machine. I couldn’t help but laugh.
Daughter: “No its not, it’s counting it, look I’ve got that much”. She reached down in relief and took her receipt ready to take it up to the bank assistant.
Son: “It stole all your money and gave you a piece of paper, I don’t want paper. I want to put my money in my bank”.
By this point he is in panic mode because it was his turn and I’m standing there looking at him. The bank assistant overheard the conversation and came over explaining to the kids how it all worked. Eventually she convinced the boys to put their money into this money stealing machine. But she did have to show each child their receipt and bank books with the new balance as they didn't believe her. Even to this day, they still are a little unsure whether that machine did or didn’t eat their money and if it’s in their banks.
THE NEARLY SEX TALK
It was an ordinary day, running errands and we had just finished doing the grocery shopping. As most parents know, doing the groceries with children can be quite the mission at times.
Mum, can we have this?
Mum oh I think we need this.
I think I might just poke this orange a little bit to see what happens.
Or maybe run up and down the aisle.
So after juggling the overfull shopping trolley and 3 kids which of course go 3 separate ways, we finally managed to get into the car and make our way home.
On the way home, I put the radio on and I could hear the kids chatting away thinking I wasn't able to hear them.
Child One: "Where do babies come from?"
Child Two: "The sky Der!"
Child Three: "From mum, she makes them."
Child One: "Mum said the Markets."
Child Two: "Let’s ask mum."
Mum: "Oh God! Sssssshhhhhhhhhh lets just drive home."
I instantly panicked. My children are not yet ready for the S.E.X talk, and neither am I for that matter. They had me thinking about it for the rest of the week.
I wouldn’t even know where to begin and then the questions that it would spark, oh my! Not looking forward to that one!
What would I even call these things? Then I can only imagine how they are going to look at me and their dad afterwards.
Can’t I just stick to they came from the Markets?