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Why You Should Buy an Elvis CD

By Edited May 19, 2015 0 0

Everyone needs to have Elvis in their music collection and there are many good reasons why.  Even if you have never considered buying an Elvis CD before, here are some reasons you should think about getting one now.  They may seem funny to you now, but just wait until you try to get through this life without Elvis.  

You Know All the Words

Really you do, even to the more obscure songs.  You just need a refresher course.  This will enable you to sing Elvis in the shower with confidence.  This is important because it is the only time most people will experiment with that sexy side of their voice.  And everyone should be able to say they sang Elvis in the shower at one point in their life.  The only people who can get away without singing Elvis in the shower are people who have never had a shower.  (By the way, if you only have a bathtub, then you have to sing Britney Spears or Wham!.  Those are the rules apparently.)

Some Day You Will Dance to an Elvis Song

Elvis 30 #1 Hits CD Available at Amazon

If you haven't already, then you probably haven't been to a wedding in the last sixty years.  This is okay, but it does mean that you need to quickly plan a weekend around wedding crashing and soon.  Dancing to Elvis is as important as singing one of his songs in the shower.  Another great time to dance to Elvis is when you are sure to embarrass yourself in front of your coworkers.  Christmas parties are an excellent time to do this.  Just be certain there is always someone at least one drink ahead of you before requesting Jail House Rock.  If you have the CD at home you can cut at least half of the moves you thought were cool in your head.

In Case of Visitors

Chances are there are very few other things in your music collection that you can play to the elderly or the children in your life.  You might get away with one or the other, but Elvis might just be the only thing that all age groups tend to enjoy.  Most teenagers will also enjoy listening to Elvis, unless they are going through their anti-establishment phase.  In which case, it is a great time to put your CD on as it is a more socially acceptable form of torture than pulling on the ring in their nose.

If You Can't Declare He Is the King

If you are not ready to swear on the bible that he is or isn't the king of rock and roll, then you need to figure this out until you are sure any evidence you give will be admissible in court.  It isn't certain where he and Jim Morrison are at the moment, or why they invited Amy Winehouse to join them, but when Elvis does finally return you will have to pick your team.  In a matter that serious, isn't it better to know for sure in advance?

It Is Perfectly Acceptable to Have a Favorite Elvis Song

Actually it is possible that you must have a favorite Elvis song if you live in Memphis or Japan.  They won't ask you directly on your visa application, but they might stop you at immigration on the way in just to check.  This is just to make sure that all relevant cultural norms are being upheld, so don't take it personally if they single you out for the asking.  Conversely, because of the length of time that Elvis has remained popular, it is sort of an up yours to the parents who first thought he was going to be the corruption of all values.  So you can also be internally rebellious by listening to Elvis, even if you sixteen year old doesn't get it yet.

At Least One Elvis Song Fits With Every Occasion

So Elvis is good background music while you are getting ready for your day or a night on the town.  The lyrics for how your day should go are already written and recorded, so you just need to choose which one.  The problem of course lies with which one you are supposed to listen to on Valentine's Day, but that's why you need to get an Elvis CD, so you can plan your day months ahead and drop the right hints to the person who is supposed to make that day happen for you.

You Need to Have Elvis in Your Collection

If you have or intend on having Neil Diamond, Burt Bacharach or even the Bee Gees in your collection, people will comment.  That is, unless they see you have Elvis as well.  For some reason Elvis neutralises some of the more questionable elements in your music library.  This principle will even allow you to have things like Kenny G and New Kids on the Block, although you may still want to hide those CDs when company comes over, mainly because you don't necessarily want to have one of those evenings, do you?  Also you can't listen to Eminem unless you listen to Elvis, since he was the orignal white black guy (as opposed to Michael Jackson who went the other way).

It Is Better Than the Alternative
Elvis Serenades the Unsuspecting

And the most important reason you need to get yourself an Elvis CD is because one way or another Elvis is going to come into your life.  And it is far less scary to listen to Elvis on the way to work every once in a while to get your allotted Elvis time in than it is to be serenaded by an overweight impersonator at a bar.  This is mainly because the wigs and costumes make Elvis impersonators sweat a lot.  But it is also because the fright can be sobering, which means you will have to stay and watch more to reach the level you were at prior to Love Me Tender.  And boys, don't think you are immune; there is an Elvis for every occasion.

So quickly go out and get an Elvis CD today before something bad happens to you!

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