No one ever wants a relationship to end. It’s usually more than the inevitable awkward break-up conversation that holds people back from ending their relationships. It is the unknown that exists after the break up that paralyzes people with fear and renders them motionless. Instead of going through with the uncomfortable phase people extend dead relationships and continue to go through the motions to upkeep appearances.
The problem with this approach is pretty obvious to me. By this point in a relationship everyone involved can see the writing on the wall. The break-up is undoubtedly inevitable, it is only being held together by a mixture of egos, pride and fear. As humans we are competitive beings, no one wants to lose. In relationships, we are no different. No one wants to have to share the bad news that can be perceived as a failure or lack of effort. When a third party is involved no one wants to lose to the intruder, preferring to date an adulterer than lose to the other woman/man. It’s all ego. As usual your ego is leading you into an unnecessary disaster. You do not have to follow it into destruction. Instead you can do what is necessary and end your lifeless relationship.Credit: MorgueFile StockPhotoSomeone once told me that failed relationships were actually over halfway through their duration, the second half was just a delayed break-up. Meaning that if you dated someone for ten years and then broke up you were breaking up for five years. I completely agree with this statement. Regardless of the reason, break-ups are usually not an overnight decision. The two people have been growing apart for some time before someone makes the move to officially end it. This is why I have taken a different approach to break-ups in my life as well as those in my friends’. When one of my friends calls me for a shoulder to cry on after a break-up they are usually shocked by my enthusiasm. It never has anything to do with my secret hate for their significant other, it is for their decision to move forward in their life. The break-up stage can last so much longer than necessary, holding up the many possible new stories that could potentially unfold in your life. By ending your relationship you have made yourself available to these possibilities, proclaiming that you are ready for the next chapter in your life.
So the next time you find yourself debating or going through a break-up, release the fear and inability to act. Forget the shame, embarrassment and sadness. Grab a friend (a bottle of wine can make a great friend) and go out to celebrate. Take time to reflect on the good times in your relationship, but don’t romanticize it. Also remember what went wrong and make a mental note so you do not repeat these behaviors going forward. Celebrate yourself for having the courage to move forward in your life. Drink to your newfound independence and dance to your favorite songs as if no one is watching. You have made yourself available for the rest of your life to happen, removing a temporary person that had overextended their stay. This break-up has been clouding your thoughts, plans and life in general for too much time already, don’t give it anymore of your energy. Instead, give that energy to yourself and celebrate your break-up.
Amazon Price: $14.00 $6.39 Buy Now
(price as of Feb 3, 2014)
Amazon Price: $2.99 Buy Now
(price as of Feb 3, 2014)