How many times have you seen a beautiful woman and thought, whoa! Later you discover that she has children. You are so in awe that it does even bother you. You keep your eyes on her and you try to be nice to the kids. At that moment in your life, you would probably be thinking what type of an idiot would never want to be with such a beautiful woman? The answer to such a question might be long and profound. Some men might just not appreciate what they have until they lose it. She might just have been married to the wrong man and is now waiting for you to sweep her off her feet. It could also be that she is not worth the effort. It could be a lot of things. However, when a man loves a woman, he can't keep his mind on nothing else. Does that sound familiar? It should sound familiar if you have been around for a while.
I would do anything for love, I'll run right into hell and backâ€¦ but I won't do that. Those were the words to the song "I'd do anything for love" by meatloaf. Love is a wonderful thing and when you are in love you are willing to do a lot of things. When you are in love, you will likely run into hell and back and wouldn't feel the heat. That being said, love doesn't solve everything. Love can be a source of tension and hate. The reality of love is different to what is commonly presented in songs and in films. Here are a few reasons why you might or should not marry a woman with children.
Insecure: If you are insecure about yourself, you will be better off falling in love with someone else. There is always a bit of you and them when you get married to a woman who already has children from a previous relationship. You will never be able to replace that special bond that the children have forged with their mother before your arrival. As far as you are concerned, it will always be you and them. This feeling will even be more evident when troubles arise. As in any marriage problems do occur and yours wouldn't be an exception.
Discipline: No matter how well you get on with your stepchildren, there will come a time when you will have to discipline them. The chances are that you will disagree with your wife about what will be the appropriate way to discipline "her" children. Yes you are helping to raise them but they are still her children. The strange thing about this is that time doesn't erode that relationship.
Not my father: Children can be evil and will always put you to the test. They tend to find ways to hurt you when you least expect it. The words, you are not my father is something that will come back to hurt you. Of course you are aware that you are not their father. However, you will still be caught unawares when your stepchildren utter those words. You would think just because you have helped to raise them would give you a license to act, don't be fooled. Even birth parents struggle with children, why do you think you should be an exception? What can you do to avoid your stepchildren uttering those words? Don't get married to their mother. That is the only solution to the problem
Permissive mother: If you are unfortunate enough to fall in love with a mother that is very permissive, there will be constant tension in your marriage. You will feel irritated by some of the things that you might not be used to, but you will be powerless to change them. Raising your own children can be a tough challenge. Children do put strain on marriages. If you now add the tension of raising children that have been educated by their permissive mother, you will have a big issue to deal with. Emotions generally run high when it comes to children. Some mothers just can't discipline their children and you will not be allowed to either.
Comparison: Your stepchildren will always compare you to their father. At times, the comparison will be unfavorable. Their father might earn more than you and used to provide more comfortable surroundings. You will have to deal with the feeling of competing against someone that you hardly know. You could scream at them and say "if you are not happy here, then, go and live with him #*x%$ â€¦". That will make you feel good because you would have let off steam. However, it would not solve the problem.
Older Children: A woman with older children will still have contact with her children. Older children who live away from home do provide some breathing space. Nevertheless, you are not scot free or home and dry, there are still some challenges. If your wife would like to see more of her grandchildren but her children are not having any of that. It can lead to tension and at times you will have to play the middle man.
Inheritance: What belongs to your wife might not necessarily belong to you. Her children will have a lot to say in the matter. You will have to just be contented with love. That is strange because you would have thought getting married entitles you to everything. That is not often the case. What belongs to her also belongs to her children. What belongs to you might also belong to her. It does get a little complicated but you should get the idea. Getting married to a woman with children means you inherit the joys and the sorrows.
As the song by meatloaf highlighted, you should do what you can for love. However, there are some things you might need to stay away from. At least you might want to think twice before you get involved. You could walk right into hell for love but at least you wouldn't say you haven't been warned about the heat.