I will go out on a limb and say that every person over the age of 30 has experienced a situation where they saw (or thought they saw) their best friend’s spouse or significant over getting a little cozy with someone other than their friend. If you have not, then chances are you will.
Needless to say it is a very awkward predicament to be in. You are, most likely, battling all types of emotions. But the constant thought going through your mind is whether you should tell your friend what you saw.
When people are asked if they would tell their friend that their significant other is cheating on them, the responses that are given are all over the place. You have people that think you are not being a loyal friend if you don’t let your friend know. On the other hand you have people who prefer not to get involved in their friend’s relationship.
In my opinion I agree with the group that says to stay out of your friend’s relationships.
Here are the reasons why I believe that you should just stay out of it.
- You could actually be wrong about what you saw.
- Your friend will believe their significant other over you most of the time.
- Getting involved can cause damage to your relationship with your friend and their spouse or significant other.
So let’s take a closer look at all three of these scenarios.
You Could Be Wrong
I know what you are going to say. You know what you saw. There is no mistake about what you saw. Do you know that thousands of people are wrongly convicted of crimes that they did not commit because of mistaken identity? Maybe it was a person that looked like your friends significant other. It is a possibility.
Or just maybe it was your friend’s significant other who is hanging out with a family member. I know. You can tell if it was a family member or not. But you really cannot.
The reality of the situation is that you do not want to destroy your friends relationship based on what you think you saw. Just like people frequently get it wrong when it comes to crime, they can also get it wrong when it comes to infidelity.
Your Word Against Theirs
Even if you think that you have it all right, your friend will, most likely, take the word of their significant other over you. This is what usually happens when you tell your friend that their spouse is cheating:
They will confront their spouse or significant other about the allegations.
The accused will ask who they got their information from.
After a little haggling your friend will rat you out telling their significant other that you are the source.
The significant other will profusely deny all of the allegations. To add to their case they will most likely tell your friend that you are jealous of their relationship. Checkmate.
Your friend will tell you that their significant other denies everything that you have told them.
Now you and your friend’s relationship will take a hit because they may actually believe that you are trying to break up their relationship.
Damage Your Relationship With Your Friend
Let’s say that all of the information that you tell your friend is accurate and verified. Your relationship with your friend will never be the same. Why? You will always be known as the person who was responsible for breaking up their relationship or marriage.
What if your information is not accurate? Then you will become vilified by your friend and their significant other. You may not be welcome to special events and occasions that you were once welcomed to. In addition to that, it can also affect the friendships of your others within your circle that were close to you and your friend.
All of this can happen because you chose to get involved in someone else’s relationship.
Like I said before I think that you should stay out of your friend’s relationship period. However, if you must get involved, then there is a perfect and stealth way to handle the situation without having to tell your friend anything. There is a way where you can get your friend’s spouse or significant other to come clean without you saying a thing to your friend.
A couple of years back my mom and aunt was eating lunch in a nice restaurant. They saw a close friend of theirs husband eating lunch with an attractive lady. My mom and aunt simply went up to the table and chatted with the husband. The husband introduced the lady to them and that was that.
Guess what the husband did when he went home to his wife. He told her that he saw my mom and aunt at a restaurant. He told her that he was at the restaurant eating lunch with a co-worker. He basically told on himself.
After hearing this story I thought this is a perfect way to handle a situation where your friend’s spouse is suspected of cheating. Think about it. You are just being nice to your friend’s spouse by speaking. If your friend’s spouse is not guilty, then that is great. If they are guilty, then they will in, all likelihood, come clean, with a revised story of course.
So here is what you should do if you see your friend’s spouse or significant other getting cozy with another person:
Go up and speak to them. Just say hi. Be cordial. It is nothing wrong with speaking with them.
They will most likely introduce you to the person that they are with. Once again you should remain cordial. No need to get into a verbal altercation, especially if you do not know the entire situation.
After that you should you should never say a word about it. Just leave it at that.
If your friend’s spouse is guilty they will be constantly be wondering if you have told your friend about the situation. If your friend’s spouse is not guilty, then they would not really care either way.
Eventually, your friend’s spouse will come clean about seeing you. They will say who they were with and etcetera.
If your friend’s spouse is guilty and does not revise the story, then your friend may have suspicions about the situation.
If your friend asks you about the situation, you should remain neutral and state what your friend’s spouse said to you. Period.
If your friend asks you what you think about the situation, once again, you should remain neutral. Leave your opinions out of it, because all that will do is cause trouble.
The key is to let your friend make the determination whether their husband or wife is not being faithful. Let your friend decide if they want to hire a private investigator to find out if their spouse is cheating.
Lastly, if your friend finds out that their significant other is cheating, by all means do not tell them that you knew it all along. Saying this will cause more harm than good and possibly damage your relationship. Keep your mouth shut and just support them in their time of need.
Let me know what you would do if you suspected your friend’s spouse or significant other of cheating in the comments below.