Oh, the games we play..
I've been divorced for two and a half years, and when I finally jumped back into the dating game I did it with a totally different goal than I had pre-marriage. I’ve gone on dates with all different types of men and while I do give each of them an honest chance to win me over, once they inevitably fail to meet my standards (usually before our entrées arrive) they become material for my writing, and are permanently stationed in the dreaded friend zone. Maybe I'm the non-lethal-wannabe-writer version of
Catherine Tramell, from Basic Instinct? Nah.. Probably not that extreme, but I do read people well, and have honed these skills since early childhood.
At this very moment I could have a boyfriend. I could choose between roughly 10 men that are attracted to and intrigued by me. I’ve not so much as kissed any of them because they haven't earned my affection. If they fail my first date assessment, I stop flirting immediately. I don't return their calls. I ignore them when they text or call me.
Confidence for dummies like me...
Confidence didn't come naturally to me. I'm a total screw up. Unfortunately, screwing up is how I learn. I fail miserably, pick up the broken pieces of my psyche, and try something different. I married the wrong guy. I was in a rush to get married and didn't really get to know myself, much less the person I said my vows to.
Been there, divorced that.
After my divorce, I spent a lot of time alone and started to fall madly in love with a new person... myself. No one else can control what happens in my life except... me? Yep. It's absolutely true. Who you let into your life, and who stays in your life is in your control and no one else's. Look for someone who's good enough for you.
You know that "ideal husband" criteria you have? Stick with it, darling. If you settle now, someone else will end up with your ideal husband and you'll go to bed with....
Attributes I assess on a first date;
- Personality- We have to jive, baby.
- Intelligence- A man must stimulate my brain before he even thinks about taking a shot at stimulating any other organ of mine.
- Interests If he's a fan of "Battlestar Galactica", he gets automatic respect from me. I have other interests but they're not as awesome as BSG.
- Drive to succeed- At something other than retail sales, please.
- Hobbies- Must have at least two of them so I'll have time to enjoy my own hobbies. Alone, please.
If I sense a man is intimidated by me, it’s over. Women with strong personalities need a man with at least an equal, if not stronger personality to acquire and maintain attraction. I also make sure to look for the signs of a potential abuser. Better safe than sorry. Or dead. Or in the hospital. Or... you get it.
Write down your own first date criteria to assess, stick to it, and keep those standards high.
Hopefully I've inspired you not to settle. I'm frakkin' sick of seeing my girlfriends getting caught up with total assholes because they're in a make-believe race to find matrimony and happily ever after, because they don't have the girl balls to stay single until someone worthwhile comes along. Or both.
My dating philosophy is very simple and easy to follow; When you're on that first date and you notice the guy has a personality defect you don't see yourself tolerating for the rest of your life, make it your last date with him.
My quest to find my "perfect-for-me-guy" is not over until I find the total package. My knight in shining armor..
..maybe Jamie Bamber in Master Chief's Armor?
... A girl can dream.
Begin your own quest, but don't even think about touching the Bamber/Chief hybrid. He's mine.