What to do when a guy pulls away

Fear is the problem, and reassurance is the solution

So you've met a guy that you think will be the one. He is kind, funny, good-looking, and the two of you have enough in common that you thoroughly enjoy each other's company, but enough differences to keep things spicy. And, you've crossed that crucial barrier of making love and feeling compatible, so you think it's time to move on to the next phase. You let him know in as many ways as you can think of that you're ready for a committed relationship. That's when you notice the unmistakable feeling that he is pulling back, becoming distant, closing up, and being uncharacteristically uncommunicative. Women need to know why men behave this way, and what to do when a man pulls away.

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Fear of rejection
Rejection can be devastating to anyone who experiences it. Men in particular, though, have egos that need maintenance and upkeep, and if they have been rejected in the past and have that gun-shy attitude when the discussion turns to a long-term relationship, it's one possible reason. It seems illogical, and even contradictory - after all, you're accepting him and asking for something real and lasting. But he is afraid that something will happen after he commits that will cause you to reject him, whether it's you really getting to know his faults or his history, or him acting on irresistible urges and weaknesses. So the best approach to take with a man like this is to be honest and talk about your faults, and your fears. By seeing that you are both in the same situation, his fear may subside.

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Fear of committing
Biologically, men have to pass a psychological roadblock when the subject of commitment to a woman comes up in his life. Men are by nature not designed to be monogamous. Civilization and socialization have changed their behavior and beliefs about this, but deep down a man still feels that he needs to be free to roam, and to have more than one partner. Like it or not, the basic drawing away when this happens is a fact of biology, and different men will deal with it differently. If you think that this sounds like your man, encourage him to be responsible and mature, to think of his future, and remind him that there's nothing wrong with settling down with the right woman - you.

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Fear of failure
Another answer to why guys become distant is that they have experienced a sense of failure at some point in their lives and they are afraid that something will happen again. It could be that a man has a very strict standard of behavior or high self-expectations, and has not managed to live up to his own impositions. It may be that through no fault of his own, he has failed at business or relationships in the past, and he doesn't want it to happen again - so he avoids any situation where it could be a possibility. Your guy needs to know that failing at something is part of life, and that you have experienced it too. Reassure him that you will face life together and share everything that happens - successe and failures alike. Most of all, tell him that you will always love hime no matter what happens - and be sure that you mean it.

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When a woman asks what to do when a guy pulls away, she is usually thinking that there is something wrong with her, not him. It helps to realize that he is not rejecting you because of anything you have done or because of who you are. But you can help the situation by reassuring him about why you love him, making sure that you keep him interested in the relationship, and meeting his needs so that he can't imagine living without you, no matter what he is afraid of.